Always with you, just you.

And there you are... in deep silence in this house that has no one but you and me, and you look at me tenderly as you once did, but it is not you, not the current you and I know it. I know the person in front of me is not real.

But I close myself in my memories and in the promise of your arms always being my safe home to return and between tears and sorrow, I let my insanity take over me and I just curl myself up in your imaginary arms and warm myself up from the coldness of the world. 

Because today I am tired and I need you because I still cry alone when I remember you said you won't let me face the world all by myself and here I am doing it, because sometimes I am scared and I wish you are still around betting on me because I sincerely thought that we will support each other and wouldn't let each other down at any time, because sometimes I would like to allow myself to be weak and I can only get that with you; because I miss you...

And I look at you in the eyes, looking for comfort, and you look at me with puppy eyes, because in my heart you will always look at me with puppy eyes, with love overflowing despite your own lack of knowledge/acknowledge of it. And I hug you tighter as you like, while I cry wishing to ever listen to your voice... because this being that I take refuge in is nothing but my personalized version of you, nothing but a memory, nothing but a bunch of feelings saved inside of me, protecting me from the cruel reality that your absence still represents to me.

And one more time, despite your insistence on the opposite, I will claim that I love you and I will fall asleep with thoughts of us together. With our first meeting, with our first hug, with our first kiss, with our marriage, with our kids, with our life together... always, with our life together, in this dark and cold space... inside my heart.