The Happy Ending

Ph. by Madelaine Bustamante

— “Can we go to the cinema tonight?” She asked him while checking the movies' list on her laptop. “I really want to watch that movie. They are so cute!". She said smiling.
— “I have a lot of work to do right now”. He replied fixing his look on his computer.
— “Alright”. She answered disappointed.
— “I really have a lot of work”. He insisted nervously.
— “It’s alright, don’t worry”. She said looking at him and went to his side to give him a peck but he pushed her away strongly and she looked at him in shock.
— “What in the world!?” She said angrily.
— “I am sorry...” He said scared of his own behavior. “But you must believe me, I have a lot to do...” He said moving his head uncontrollably.
— “But why would you do such thing!?” She screamed madly “And who said I don’t believe you!?”
— “The voice in my head.” He answered in a whisper to himself and got shocked for such realization.

Ph. by Madelaine Bustamante

— “Are you okay?” She asked starting to get worried to see him in such state, he seemed so absent-minded and it was his first time acting in such way... She was trying to figure out what was going on and pow! It was already too late, in a matter of second he had grabbed the knife and dig it into her breast and she was never going to understand what happened there, he was never going to be able to explain her it was not him doing it, it was the other... the other one in his head. 

“If you don’t feel blessed to have her in your life through the good and the bad,

let her go because she is not your blessing to have”. (Becca Martin)

— “Why does it have to be so bloody?” Martin asked. 

— “Don’t you like it?” I asked sadly.

— “Are you unpleased with our marriage?” He asked worried now.

— “What!? No. I just need to add some tension to the story otherwise, it won’t be interesting enough...” I answered a bit annoyed with his words.

— “So he had to kill her? Why would a husband kill her wife like this? I mean, I get it, he is nuts! But why are you writing such thing, Naomi? What is going on inside you? Can you please talk to me instead of mask things? Stop the symbolism and just talk to me for once in your life!” Martin said anxiously and my head started spinning out... My feelings, my thoughts, it was a chaos again, all misplaced, it was too much. Suddenly I was sitting down on my heels covering my ears and closing my eyes. I knew Martin couldn’t realize when he was being too much for me, I knew my reactions didn’t make much sense for him and the word “overstimulation” was hard for him to assimilate, even when he himself used to get overstimulate in social activities falling into social anxiety often enough. For me, it was even worse, I couldn’t even tolerate the amount of strong feelings he would arise inside of me, it was just too much in a row.

— “It is alright. I am sorry”. He was by my side hugging me, trying to calm me down... I will never know if we are a good couple actually, many times it seems to me he has to put too much of him at stake, sometimes I feel I have to put too much of me at stake... at the end of the day I just wonder if we are doing the right thing and how fair this whole relationship is for both of us. But I guess that’s the main problem, I am always thinking, I am always thinking too much and I can’t just speak it out as he does... it feels I am going to die in the attempt, I need things to go slowly, to my own rhythm and he can’t always take it and I don’t blame him, but at the same time I can’t do anything about it because this is my very best already; as I know this is his very best at this moment. He continued holding me and would anyone understand if I say it feels so comfy to be there? It feels like home and all my doubts and worries just slip away in that instant... They will surely come back over and over again as many times ago, but right now it’s just so comforting and I wish to stay like this forever... so if forever exists, can someone let this be my forever ever after?

A flashback stroke me so hard, among the tons of writings I wrote when we were apart there was this one called “Not A Good Match”:

—“I am sorry for keeping these useless memories of us.” She said while making his bag.
—“You don’t… You don’t need to do this, I can do it myself.” He said feeling sad for her seeing how carefully she was packing his things as when he used to go for business trips.
—“Can’t I fulfill my wife’s duty freely? Are we already divorce?” She asked sarcastically while crying.
—“You know I didn’t mean that, Rebecca.” He answered annoyed. He felt guilty enough, she didn’t have to put so much effort on it.
—“What did I do wrong?” She asked, apparently trying to understand.
—“We’ve already talked about this… It’s not about doing wrong things, it’s about this not working because we are not a good match…” He said already regretting his words, knowing in advanced what her reaction would be.
—“Not a good match!? Didn’t you think about it when you asked me to marry you!? Didn’t you think about it before living for a whole year with me!? What in the world is a good match!?” She said stopping the packing.
—“A good match is us being able to enjoy each other without having to discuss as often as we do over tiny things just because we’re so different and dislike things from one another. And let’s don’t talk about the big things. Why didn’t I notice it before? Oh, I sure did. You did as well. But we thought love would magically overcome all those differences; but well... no! It didn’t happen that way; at least, not for us.” He said overwhelmed and sitting down on the corner of the bed.
—“Alright.” She said, cleaned up her face and kept on packing.
He just looked at her full of pity, she couldn’t help it, he knew. That was just the way she was and she believed they were supposed to be together for real, maybe she was even really in love with him and their differences… but he just couldn’t bear with it anymore, for him it was only tiresome, it was only burdensome and he didn’t want to go on living that life. He felt he deserved something different, he wished for her to get someone more similar to her, but he wasn’t willing to be that person, not anymore.

And of course, somehow in my most recent story I was just talking about the impossibility of separation, how death would always be better than separation, how I prefer to be killed instead of him leaving me ever again and I was overthinking about it lately because I have been extremely moody and I know how much he dislikes that... But I have been very overwhelmed because my deadline was so close and my book wasn’t even close to its end, which was giving me headaches. But how can it possible he would always be the one taking it all? I had to go out more, with more people, stop putting so much on him... I know better how exhausting it can be for a single person to handle all of me and as much as he wanted he wasn’t the exception to the rule and that was just fine for me, but it was something he had to understand himself as well. There was no need to take this to the court and getting a divorce. I don’t know when I start crying but I felt like drowning for a second and came back to reality.

— “I love you!” I said and hugged him back. What a struggle love is! But I am so willing to go through the same struggle for him as much as it was necessary because everything was worthy as long as it was by his side. “I don’t ever want to lose you again”. I said sobbing. “And I know I am high-maintenance but I will find ways out for us both. Just bear with me a bit longer. Don’t leave me.” 

— “Stop overthinking”. It was all he said and I laughed. But of course, he found a way to make me laugh in a moment like that. “When you write about this I will like you to write “She showed me her vulnerabilities and put them right in front of me, that’s why I trusted her” Hashtag “Extracts of a rebuilt heart”. And I laughed even harder.

— “Hashtag!?” I screamed. “What do you think my book is? Twitter?” And he laughed too.

— “Can’t you make it happen?” He asked and I looked at him in the eyes.

— “For you? Anything I could do for you wouldn’t be enough to do all that I would actually do for you if I could. Hashtag “Tongue-twister, I know”. And he laughed more.

— “Sure, sure”. He said hugging me tighter and caressing my hair and I couldn’t hold it in anymore and purred. He seriously got himself into a weird business with me, but so far, he seemed to be okay with it, despite all the inconveniences and that was just so reassuring! I was definitely going to cook his favorite meal today, “Nobody cares about deadlines anymore!” I thought and laughed.
— “Are we going to Paris for real next week?” I asked a bit anxious now. 
— “Have you been thinking about that time again? It is a good memory for me actually, I don't know why you get so overwhelmed with it. And you love Paris”. He insisted. 
— “I do and I am very happy over that encounter, it is just that... it brings back so many mixed emotions.” I said playing with his hair. 
— “And that's why we're going there for your birthday, so that you may get over it and stop feeling scared about going back. It will be fine. We met there for the first time! And you have been planning this trip for so long, it will be fine for sure". He said and I kissed him. 
— “Fine. Let's take a nap, I am tired... emotionally tired.” I said and he smiled and we snuggled in the bed. “Wait for us Paris! We are going soon!” I said laughing. I couldn't have felt happier! It was, certainly, my happy ending.