Let's just go home

- Oh my God! Where in the world have you brought me? She said with a disgusted face.

- He is "hiding" here. I answered calmly while going on.

- He lives here you mean. But why? Why, the heck, have we come here? Why are you looking for him now? She said while stepping on something she had no idea what it was other than a slimy substance and screamed horrified.

- You can go back if you want. I answered and sneezed.

- You're catching a cold in this piece of nothing you've brought me in. She said now offended.

- I will be fine. I said wiping my nose and starting to feel some headache and stopping for a second, just to continue walking.

- If he is nowhere to be found, don't you think it'd be better for you to let him go? She said finally calmly while putting aside the limbs over her face.

- I didn't come to get him back. I came to check on him. I said thinking about how senseless my words were and she sighed.

- Then you are saying you don't want him back and we have come to this den just to see how is he doing? She asked skeptically.

- Yes. I just want to have a look... If he is doing well, I will leave in peace. I said wondering if I was hiding something from myself apparently, I was uncovering already because I was thinking about the matter.

- Sure and if he is not doing well we're going to nurse him and take care of him until he gets on his feet and send us to the beach one more time? She asked ironically and I chuckled.

- No, if he's not doing well, I will keep praying for his well-being expecting he'll recover soon. I said and I regretted it immediately because I knew what she'll say next.

- Perfect then! Let's go back home! You can keep on praying for him, it's not like you'll do something different than that. You lack the guts to even face him now, oh! I know that well. She said and I wished she could shut up for a minute, for goodness' sake! I was starting to get annoyed and my body increased on feeling indisposed as we penetrate into that place. I didn't even know if I would find him there but had left with my tied hands and without any more resources, this seemed to be my one and only option.

- There is someone waiting for you right now... and this person may get hurt to know this. She said more like a threat than a piece of advice and I turned around swiftly in rage.

- Don't you dare! I said with my closed fist.

- You made your decision and he made his. This dude is not your business anymore and that person you're carelessly neglecting will give up on you at a certain point. This story is over, stop wanting to re-read it because it can bring you problems. She said looking at me pitifully and I cleaned up my tears.

- That story’s character is dear to me. I tried to explain myself with that lack of sense always present in my sentences.

- Let's hope for the best. Hopefully, he's involved in the best story of his life by now. But you darling, you can't check on him as you please. There's too much at stake and it's not worthy anymore. You may end up doing more damage than good and not just to yourself. She said and I knew she was right! I just didn't want to come back without having a peek, I just wanted to see he is fine.

- But... It's all I could say before bursting out in tears and my legs started trembling, I felt I was going to fall but she held my arm before it happens.

- Let's go back home. This is not a place for us to be. You'll be taken care of properly at home. This is not worth it, let's go back home. She said and I just let her drag me out. 

Once we reached the outside and the sun lit up our faces one more time he was already waiting for us lying down in the car. I didn't really know what to do, say, or even think... I was feeling way too sick and ashamed.

- She's not feeling well. She said still holding me and looked at her thankfully because I couldn't extract a single word out of my chest and when she talked I felt she saved me from drowning.

- I will take care of her now, don't worry. He said holding my arms now, giving me firmness I wondered if I hurt him and felt like vomiting over the thought.

- I... I wanted to say I was sorry, I wanted to explain to him it was all over but my conscience was not at peace by knowing I have left someone I loved deeply behind. It was not me being in love anymore! It was my sense of responsibility, it was the importance of my promises, it was my sincere esteem that would bring me back to know if there was anything I can help with. But I just started crying again, because I knew that in order for me to feel better I was hurting him by being careless over his feelings for me and over my silence because not explaining my actions in advance would only lead to confusion and could push him to insecurity about us.

- You don't need to say anything. He said and hugged me... I felt so beloved I couldn't stop crying. I knew he was kind, and I knew he would always do his best to keep me sane, I just didn't take into consideration how hard that could be while me being in such a state. I know you love me. I know you would never do anything in order to hurt me. I know you're "freaking crazy" as you would say, but at the end of the day, I know very well there is nothing I should be scared of when it comes to us. And do you know how I know it? I know it because I wouldn't let it happen, and because day after day you show me there is stability for us in your chaos. And I know it because, even if I am not you, I've learned to love you, feel you, and love you just the way you are. I know you wish the best for him and you're just worried, I know he gave you way too much for you to just stop caring and I know he meant way too much for you to stop wanting to get involved. I won't say I am okay with it, nor that I like this situation, I really hope this won't happen again... but even if it happens again, I want you to know I understand, even if I dislike it. It doesn't hurt me as you may be thinking, it bothers me because I don't believe he deserves it anymore, but then again I know the way you are and I know you believe he deserves good no matter what. But if he deserves good, I must deserve even better and I got that having you so don't deprive me of the blessing of your sight. He said superbly and my heart was beating to such a speed I was fearing it may stop working at any time, then again I felt reassured, I felt strong, I felt renewed and thought about how important his presence in my life was and I squeezed him and he laughed. 

- Don't you dare to bite me! He said scared and smiling, but it was too late for my "vampiristic instincts", I was ready to attack and he was ready to receive my own doses of love... A sneeze of mine saved him though and we all laughed in the unison.