Where is my mom?

"A baby could kill me" back then she told me and I imagined it could happen but I couldn't believe it'd actually happened. I could have never imagined it would really happen... 

But we wanted a baby so badly. She wanted a baby so badly... and I wanted a baby of her so badly that I thought it'd be fine. I thought wanting a child was not a bad thing.

*big sigh*

I didn't know what an expensive price I would've had to pay. 

I don't regret having a child... but forgive me if I can't handle the fact of having lost my wife. 

I see my child every day and I see her eyes. I see my child every day and I wish him to have her heart... I wonder if I'll ever be able to describe her to him, if my words, my memories would be enough to let him imagine at least, what an amazing woman his mother was.

I still remember the first day I saw her. She was with a black dress and a black veil, and black shoes, it was all black except for her face and her hands. I couldn't stand to look at her for a minute, she was way too bright for me... And I knew I shouldn't look at her that way. 

I remember us back in time, and as we used to get involved in the same activities I couldn't help but think she was... amazing.

*sigh*

I still can't believe she is not here anymore... I am just happy to know my son is small enough not to start asking questions such as "Where is my mom?", because to be honest I wouldn't know what to say. Because to be honest his mom is right here with me. Because to be honest... I'd like to know where is she too.

Vincent van Gogh - “Autumn Landscape with Four Trees”.