Timeout

She started packing her bags and I frankly didn't understand what was going on... I don't even know when everything started, I just know one day I noticed she wasn't the same towards me anymore and it didn't matter how much I'd try to bring the topic up, she'd deny any kind of disturbance between us and honestly I was just too afraid to face it... She just didn't seem to be the girl that fell for me that night in December.

She wasn't shedding a tear and she seemed so disconnected... my crying baby turned into an insensible being out of the blue, and there she was just looking at the floor without saying a word, making me feel more and more impotent! I could feel my levels of anxiety hit the top in a matter of seconds, I wasn't ready to lose her but I felt my hands tied up because she wouldn't tell me what to do, she just remained in that state of inertia that was doing nothing for us but driving me crazy. After saying she doesn't feel as she used to towards me, suddenly she was about to leave my life in the same way she came in, when did this happen? What went wrong? 

- What should I do? I insisted and I wished her to say something, to let me feel we were still in the same symphony, but I don't know at what moment we started playing a different song. I tried hard to find the exact moment, but all that came to my mind was fight after a fight during the last months and her pretending that everything is alright, yes, pretending because I knew her well enough to claim that she wasn't acting normal... she didn't seem to be comfortable nor happy around me anymore; even if she'd say the opposite.

- Nothing really, I just need some time out. A timeout? My ears couldn't admit what they heard. Timeout? What was that? I mean... Why would she request such a thing? And why the hell was she making her bags if she needed just "some" time out? What was I for her now, some sort of toy she can use and let go of as she pleases? And why was she acting like a victim when it was her leaving me? 

- I give you two days. I said angrily. Did she even understand what it means to me to be without her for two days? Why weren't we talking and solving that mess? Why was she crying for now? Where was she going? What happened? When did it happen?

- Nothing will change in two days, I need more time. I don't feel anything... When she said so I felt the floor over my feet moving, was she serious? After more than a year together she said that so plainly? Did it even mean anything to her? Why did I feel her so distant and cold? She wasn't my girlfriend anymore... someone replaced her and I was talking with a complete stranger. She would've never talked to me in such a way, I knew her better and she was so much better than this! Was it her or me though? Who went wrong? I made mistakes but I was willing to fix them for her, I was willing to do what it's needed for the sake of our relationship, why did she appear so unwilling though? Why wasn't she saying anything?!

- Do you still want to be my girlfriend? I asked and panicked over a slight silence. What? I looked at her perplexed. What happened to her incessant love? Where was her boundless sweetness? Was it her for real? When did I lose her? What did I do for her to turn this way? A tear rolled over my face because I felt like a piece of garbage... it couldn't be her acting this way by herself, it must have been me. I wronged her, I wronged her so much that she couldn't take it anymore; now she was acting like this towards me, she was making me pay for my own actions. I couldn't take it anymore and sat down on the couch between the door and the bed.

- You are thinking about it... It's the first time you do it; in the past, you would just have said "yes" immediately. I said shocked.

- I don't know... I just need time. She said and I laughed without even wanting due to the absurdity of everything. Oh no, I wasn't going to let things stop there. Hell no.

- Two days, think well about it. I said before leaving the room myself, she wasn't in charge; certainly, my pride wasn't going to take it. Not even now. I had to take these with my bare hands because she didn't know how in the world to solve a damned problem of that magnitude.

- I know nothing will change in two days. She said while letting the bags go and letting herself fall into the corner of the bed. Then I'll just stay here waiting for my feelings to get back in their right place. She said looking at the door and I felt her wish to go so badly that it broke me, even if I was already in pieces.

- Your feelings won't just go back. Whether you love me or not. I claimed, she took her bags again and was about to leave the room.

- If you leave there's no way back. I said and I can swear it was more heartbreaking for me than for the disheartened person in front of me. I could swear she wasn't herself. 

- Goodbye. She said and I felt the drive to jump into the door and block her way out but I was way too tired to do anything, she was my main source of strength and without her, I was losing it. 
Was that seriously happening? I lost my appetite, my strength, my life drive... everything fell apart and I wonder if she'd ever come back and fix it and if I'll ever be able to forgive her for this. I wonder at what moment our love story turned into this hellish thing and as unbelievable as it was I still wanted her in my life, all I wanted was her in my life, whether I was the biggest idiot in humankind's history or she was a real sorceress and caught me, I couldn't tell anymore... the image of an angel was still stuck in my heart, even if my brain would refuse such statement.