Let this dream become true

But I could not say anything anymore

It wasn't my right to do it now

Was it ever among my rights though?

I'm doubting my own shadow because of you

If you're not by my side in this room

And I'm not part of your story as I was

I wonder if anything between us was ever true.

You've never been a promises' guy

Believe me that I know it well enough

Because of this I trusted your word so much

In the same way, I trust a definitive truth

A noble knight for me you were

I felt like a princess being saved

Isn't that just another silly fairytale?

Like a fool in my own traps I fell.

Sometimes it feels like I was lost

But how not to get lost in you?

When even without me saying it

Everything about me you seemed to know.

I took you for granted you thought,

I was just disheartened and weighed down

And you were just disappointed and done.

It's not our faults I guess by now

It was just the destiny splitting us.

I miss you, I won't say I don't

Your jokes, your brightness and even the grumpy you

For me you were inspiration

Something indescribable and brand new,

For you I was a bunch of responsibilities

Worries and many problems more;

You must breathe in peace without me around

Why am I lacking air without you though?

Was really our story too good to be true?

I keep on dreaming those old dreams of us

Maybe I'm still too naive to wake up

Maybe I am just too whimsical to give up

Or maybe I never fell out of love with you

Let's try one more time to be one, the two of us

Let me play to the house looking at you

Dear dear love of my soul, let this dream become true.

Just a moment

We were sit down in the backyard and you seemed to be so lost in your thoughts... it was not something very common but would happen from time to time and I'd love it. It was the only time I feel free to look at you without any interruption and only God knows how much I'd love to look at you. Suddenly you looked at me.

- How are we going to call her? You asked.

- Didn't you say you like Flavia? We agreed on that name if it was a girl and Nicholas if it was a boy. I said smiling and you smiled back to me.

- I was just checking if you changed your mind after all this time. "After all this time" kept sounding in my head and the years we spent apart plus all the years we spent trying to have a baby came to my mind. Yes, it's been "a while" but if that was the name he wanted it wasn't about me changing my mind, it was about changing his. 

- Well, we're going to have four kids. I answered laughing and you looked at me surprised and laughed as well.

- I'm a bit worried here now. You said kidding and I held your hands looking at you right in the deep of your eyes.

- There is nothing to be worried about. I answered you with confidence. We're doing this together, aren't we? I am sorry it was so hard for you in the very beginning. But I am here right next to you, giving you all my support for this family to work out. I said nearly crying because I couldn't help to feel so much of a failure each time I'll remember how much you needed me back then but I couldn't answered properly to the situation which lead us to a break-up. It was good to know we found a way out and fixed our differences somehow and we both had a stable work at the end of the day.

- Shouldn't I be the one saying so? You asked with that sweet tone of yours.

- You've done it too many times. I said laughing, letting your hands go and cleaning up the few tears that rolled over my face. I need to do some compromises here as well. I said and you looked at me with that surprised face of yours.

- Are you maybe copying me, copycat? You said while giving me an inquisitive look but still smiling.

- A tool like me? How could I dare to have such behaviors!? That'd be unforgivable. I answered while putting my hand over my breast with fake indignation and you started laughing out loud and I simply felt glorious! There was not a single time when I was able to make you laugh without feeling like a winner.

- This is the time when you say again "I'll try not to be controlled by you, my own tool." I said sticking my tongue out. When you were calm it was certainly easy to joke around with you.

- Come on, you're not a tool anymore. You said getting closer to me. Not even a "simple" girlfriend! You said with a funny tone. You're my wife now. You said now seriously, holding my hand and making my wedding-ring spin around my finger, like pointing out that was a clear reminder. I couldn't hold it in and pecked you in your lips, then hid my face rapidly in your breast; even after all this time it felt so shameless from my side to take the initiative over that kind of approaches and I imagined you smiling.

- What a shameless girl, my cutie can be. You said softly while enclosing me with your arms and I felt so beloved... I felt so safe, I felt so calm, I felt at home. Since the very first time you said your arms suppose to be my home, I could never success to feel any other place like home again except by your arms. I needed nothing else. You were mine and I was yours, forever; that was a promise I wasn't going to break, no matter what.

Dove sei adesso?

First Scene

- I am letting you know this with huge pain, and with so much sadness... your grandmother, my beloved mother, passed away. My father said and I frankly could not believe it... my stolen heart got broken because I knew his heart was broken and his pain was my pain and his sorrow was my sorrow...

- Stay strong, daddy. You are not alone, you have your children with you, we love you. It was all I could write and I felt like an ungrateful daughter because I was not right by his side to provide him with care and attention, especially in a crucial moment like this. But at the same time, I had my responsibilities, and sad as it sounds I couldn't go there just to hug him even if my soul left a long time ago to do it.

And this may sound absurd but I felt your absence so clearly... I wish I could reach out to you so that you could give me a hug, breaking the distance, I felt I needed you more than ever and I wonder who was there for you when you were going through harder times than usual. To be honest, as you know well, I am never truly alone, there's always someone reaching out his or her hand and letting me know it's going to be alright, but even now... I keep on looking around to see if I can find that one hand that committed with me to never leave me... 

You know I've forgiven you many things, many mistreatments, and hard words, but I just can't seem to succeed in forgiving you about this particular promise. It was hard to get you promising such a thing and I, foolishly, believed you weren't going to leave since you've promised it... I was afraid, yes, but that promise made me feel a bit safe. It is hard to look around and see the man that took my heart with him wasn't by my side anymore, you've stolen my heart and I am sure about it because even in moments like this, I can only miss you more. I guess I will never get over the fact of you leaving me, even after claiming over and over again that you wouldn't, because in the end, I was seriously thinking you were not going to.

Second Scene

I woke up unsettled, I was having a terrible dream with tons of bad emotions: my grandmother passed away, my dad was all broken and I was falling apart because you were not there with me, I don't know what was the worse part of the dream but my immediate reaction when I saw you lay down next to me was to hug you, even risking to wake you up, I couldn't hold it in.

- Cutie, are you okay? You said waking up and I turned on the lamp next to me and I saw your face. I couldn't stop crying... how could you have such a beautiful face? You were gorgeous to me and I know even if you were having the worse day ever, your face would still have remained as the epitome of beauty for me. I held your face in my hands and kissed it all over, I caressed your hair and I calmed my heart by reminding him you were mine, you were still mine and that wasn't going to change. Then I curled up in your arms and sighed, how good life felt as long as I could feel so good at home.

Third Scene

I woke up in tears, I was having a dream... you and I were together, but I was also having a bad dream inside my dream about us not being together. I guess my dreams aren't much of a dream but most of reality. I am so tired right now... and all I can think about is that you owe me one hug, that last hug I asked you for and you refused to give me because you didn't want to give me one "last" hug, I wish you can pay that debt right now, but I am sure about if I ask for it you'll only deny your debt by not acknowledge it and keep on calling me names only for being the way I am towards you. 

Do you know? You did your part in all this, didn't I warn you about my personality before letting you come into my life? Didn't I say it was hard to get rid of me? Didn't I say it was difficult for me to let go? Didn't I say I don't actually know how to let go? But wait, I think the most important questions are: Weren't you the one saying you'll never go and I should not worry about it? Weren't you the one asking me to trust you since you wouldn't hurt me? Weren't you the one wanting to grow old by my side? I might have done my mistakes, I am surely not perfect and my willpower isn't the strongest I've ever seen in a person, but I meant what I said. Unlike what you continue repeating about me "talking big", I dare to say I talk with my heart most of the time and even if my actions many times don't match, my heart remains the same even when broken... maybe my brain gets in charge when there's too much to bear with so that my heart goes second, but my heart is still the same. I don't remember a single time thinking I am in love with another man than you, truly imagining a future with another man than you, trying so hard to fit someone as I did with you, bearing with so many emotions even if they were bad as I did with you. See? I just don't see myself ever having loved someone else but you, indeed love was not enough, I had to do more but in my defense, I was still trying and as long as I was trying I was on my way and you putting yourself out of my life is just a violation of the law for me and towards me, what to do now? Should I detain you for the unfulfillment of your contract? It is funny to think you'd only say I am crazy and get mad at me as usual, but if we look at my speech then the logic and my clear mind leads to a valid argument and gets a point. Still, I know well enough that you'd know how to fight it back, and no matter what I say you'll always be right and I'll always be wrong. But then again, where are you now? The man who said no one else will ever own me since you'll make me your wife. 

I am sharing this one since I can't find the one where you promised not to ever leave and I can't keep on searching because I've cried much enough for today.