Heart, Brain and I.

— Come here! Come here, right now. I said angry following her to the next room and didn't stop, she only moved from one side to another furiously.

— You can't do this to me! You're going to kill me! Heart-y said crying.
— Pathetic, so dependant. Brain-y said and got a killing sight from Heart-y and I.
— Please, brain, not right now. Before this gets out of control, I need to calm her down. I said seriously.
— Nothing's going to calm me down except for writing him! It's been several weeks! I need to reach him out.
— No, you don't. That's breaking the rules One. More. Time. And he already thinks the very worst of me, don't make it worse. I said almost begging.
— How could he forget me so easily? Throw everything to the trash in a single year! Heart said getting angrier and angrier and I saw it was going to be a long night.
— I will get a hot chocolate, do you want some tea? Brain asked so carelessly.
— Seriously!? I asked astonished.
— How many times have we done this for the last fourteen months? You're the one I should be saying "seriously?" Heart is insane.
— I am not insane! She screamed again.
— I should put you to sleep, do you want some pills to help you to get some rest? Brain asked looking at her maliciously.
— Brain, please, stop. I said disappointed.
— Alright, alright. She said putting one hand up in signal of peace and left to the kitchen to get the drinks ready.
— Heart, listen to me. I know you feel you love him and I know it is hard for you and I know you thought he was the love of your... I couldn't complete what I was saying cause she looked at me, prey of frustration and I thought she was going to kill me.
— Thought? THOUGHT!? Ha! You don't get it! He is the only man I've ever truly loved! You just don't understand! Have you people gone nuts? Why is everybody saying so many nonsenses!? It's all your fault, did you notice? All this is your fault! You were so demanding and careless with him the last months! Then you got insensible! Then you were absurdly jealous! And then you couldn't even tell him straight you want a life next to him! I lost him because of you! She said and started crying badly again. And brain entered the room and talked before I got the chance to say a word.
— Here is your roses tea. Brain said and gave it to me while holding two more glasses. Now I'm going to enjoy my hot chocolate... She said while putting it close to Heart who immediatly took it. As I was saying, here I am enjoying my capuccino, while Heart gets her chocolate and you your tea. Brain said so confindent as usual and sit down on the couch. Don't put blames on her, it was my doing. If she'd listen to you all the time, we'd be lost.
— We're lost right now! Heart said putting her chocolate on the little table and covering her face.
— We haven't kept a balance since he left, for real. I said out of the blue while looking at the floor.
— You, girls, are just too sensitive, you were alive before him and you've been alive after him. Stop thinking about contacting him ever again, he said clearly you're a pain in the neck and you better errase yourself from his life. He doesn't want you anymore and you shouldn't want him neither. You guys simply don't match together, you both are way too different. You wouldn't be able to handle a life by his side, he can't do it neither. The most reasonable thing is to stay away. I don't know in what moment Heart stood up but she was right in front of Brain before I could have time to react.
— What did you just said? Heart said looking at her in the eyes with her hands in fists.
— You need to learn to control yourself, from crying due to deep sadness, to fighting cause of anger and laughing cause of incredible joy. You need to control yourself. You won't get a thing by hitting me. Also why? Why are you going to hit me? Do you want to hurt me in the same way he hurt you? Do you want to destroy me? Do you want me to disappear as he wants you out of the map? What? Are you going to put on me blames that aren't mine? Brain said challenging and I was just wondering whether Heart would punch her face or not.
— He is just confused... it is obvious he wants me too. We were going to get married, have kids, life together for the rest of our lives. I just did some mistakes... he is hurt. I took him to his limit, I made him go through more than what he could. I wasn't supportivd and understanding enough. I didn't put enough effort in changing into what he wanted me to. I didn't say the thing stuck inside of me at the right time. I confused him. I took too long to heal and calm down. I waited for too long... I waited... I lost him... I lost him... Heart said and sit down on the coach again looking to the infinite.
— Great. If she gets depressed again I'm ruined. Took me forever to pull her out last time. Would you mind to be a bit more sensitive towards her pain? She is going through a lot. Maybe for you this is not a big deal, but for her it's the end of the world. He was everything to her.
— She let him go when she couldn't handle the fact of him not loving her back even after a year together. She had to be stronger. She made him go through hell, now she is going through the hell she created herself.
— “If there was a hell, you would deserve it for how you treated me” Heart said and the tears couldn't stop falling.
— Stop recalling his words! It sickens me! It sickens me! I screamed.
— Well, I didn't see that coming. Brain said smiling pleased even if clearly surprised. I'd suggest to talk to him and fix things up but that has been done already and there's no forgiveness, thinking lucidly the only left to do is to get over him; but obviously it's something you girls don't really know how to do. And I have tried my very best to point why not instead of why yes still it doesn't make any difference. It's all about him even after all this time and I wish it'd be easier for you girls as it seems for him but from what I see we still have a long way with a hard fight to face, I just hope we have the strength to do it without killing us, or what seems to be worst according to some people, without render unfeeling.
— You would deserve it for how you treated me, you would deserve it for how you treated me, you would deserve it for how you treated me... Heart couldn't stop saying while her eyes started to getting closed due to tiredness.
— Do you think she's going to be alright? I asked Brain, trying to believe she has some answers for me.
— I haven't seen her actually "right", since he left and she has been getting worse after his rudeness and coldness and all the jealousy. But I couldn't blame him, he has the right to protect himself. What a pity our poor Heart doesn't understand the meaning of protecting herself once she has given to him.
— Do you think he'll ever come back?
— I just think if he'd ever dare to come back, I'll just let him in for Heart's sake. Brain said and I didn't know if that was a wise decision or just Brain appearing to have feelings, I didn't know if any of my thoughts made any sense and I was way too tired and sleepy to re-think calmly even if I am a professional overthinking at this point. Let's go to sleep... or, at least try. Brain said and I just followed her to the bedroom.
— I have to remember “One day at a time”. I said to myself and Brain laughed softly, I even thought she was sincerely laughing even if at weirdest moment.
— Right.
— What? I asked curious.
— Nothing, never mind. I'm tired, let's sleep. Brain said while getting comfortable on the bed.
— Actually I miss him too. I said opening up.
— All of you misses him. It includes me sadly. I hope one day you'll wake up from the dream you fell into the first time you saw him. Even if at the beginning it was beautiful, now it is more like a nightmare; and sometimes I get scared for our mental sanity for real. Brain said and covered up with the blanket like saying she's off for today and I guess she was right again, it was time to get over him sincea while ago, but how can you get over of the love of your soul? I keep on asking me the very same questions day after day.

Forever september.

Picture taken by Madelaine Bustamante

I have had these roses since September 2015, the month you asked me to stop writing you, they may seem dead; but they're still alive for me... as long as I can see their crestfallen shape and their lackluster colors, I will continue considering them alive beings. See? Everything concerning you is still alive for me. I keep on finding reasons for us to go on as you, surely, focus on keeping reasons for us not to. It's been more than a year already, I have finally told you I'll set you free and you can't imagine how ridiculously hard it is for me to let you go, even now.

Talking in an unbiased way, I can't do anything but admit my faults, but talking from the inner of my soul I can tell you have a lot to do with the pain I am going through now and even with your own, because I warned you how difficult it'd be to stay with someone like me since the very beginning still you insisted on me trusting you to be the one reaching that goal, and I can't stop blaming me cause you're not here today; I wonder who I blame the most at the end of the day, you or me? I guess it doesn't matter anymore, whether the fault is yours, mine, or simply both, your absence remains the same.

My love for you remains intact, even through everything and everybody. I may have agreed on leaving you in peace, although that would never mean stop loving you; in the end, it's a matter of wish as you say, I have to want and I can't want to make you disappear from the story of my life. It's not about the sadness that I feel now, it's about all the happiness, the joy, the sweetness, the good moments filled with the shine of the pearl that you are. You were, you are and you'll always be such a masterpiece, even if I am not anymore the artwork you want to stay admiring until the last days of your life. You'll always be that empty room that I have inside of me, where I used to have the most beautiful painting, and I go in every day, just to remember how glorious it was to be in your presence.

It may not be the end of the world, but what a splendid world has gone with you!



#UnGiornoTreAutunni

Another kind of love.

Grigio above the bed.

Grigio playing under the table.

A cat? One of all the amazing teachings a cat can give you is patience. See? Cats aren't the kind of animals that trust you easily or give you affection constantly, even if you love them to death! At least that's what I've learned from my own experience. They are afraid and very mistrustful of you, so you have to be incredibly patient, very careful, and constant. There comes a time when they let you love them. They just let themselves be loved by you openly and you can tell you've gained their trust since they're allowing you to be close to them, to touch them, to talk to them, and to love them. But then, the final step, is them loving you back and requesting your love. You have to be extremely thankful for those kinds of moments when they just want you to pamper them a little bit and they get jealous of you with others whether they are people, animals, or even objects. When they claim your attention, that's it, you have to give them all your attention, they won't settle for anything less. People will tell loving a cat, is more a job than anything enjoyable... but it is not, at least for me. Getting a cat's love also means receiving the most real kind of love, loaded with a huge amount of loyalty and exclusivity.

Now, think about the people that are like cats. Do you believe they aren't lovable just because they're a bit hard to love? If you don't make any effort for them, surely they shouldn't make the effort for you either... All I'm trying to say is, I'm not sure about how much you'd deserve that kind of love if you yourself can't give it.

By: Me, who's a cat, but seems like a person.

[I love my cat. I hope he will never get tired of me because even if sometimes he drives me crazy, I can't get enough of him. I will never stop loving him.]