Explaining

Sometimes, I get messages and I believe it's you; I mean, I know it's not you because I know you won't write me anymore, but... even now when I get a message, it seems like it's you texting me, you remembering me but as soon as I see the spokesperon, I come back to reality. Does it happen the same to you? You're maybe in your new mailbox or just checking your phone and then you see a message coming and you believe it's me, but no, it's maybe a classmate, or some job offert, or your mom or... maybe a new "she" in your life, but not me, not me anymore. 

I still think about you everyday, every single day! Can you imagine that? I mean, every single day... every single day. You maybe believe I miss someone to talk with, but to be honest with you, there is many people I can talk to everyday, it's not about them, it's not about someone to talk, it's not about anything, it's all about you! But yeah, I understand you don't care anymore and I don't blame you, I am just so insufferable, how could you even miss me? 

You know? Somehow I wanted to be free, do whatever I want, whenever I want and so on, and with you I could not, because when I am with you, I just... I lose myself, I disappear... and there's no more me but you only, it's just that you're so beautiful, so amazing... so great... nearly perfect in my eyes... and it's like you hypnotize me and do you have an idea about how does it feel to live as a slave of a person? I am not saying you treat me badly, I am just saying that when I am with you, I enslave myself to you and I can't help it...

Now, I won't say everything about us is perfect and I am happy with you the whole time and so on, I mean, we're very different and lately we were having so many discussions and we were so tired. I was incredibly done, but I couldn't stop myself from coming back to you cause it feels so cold without you, so lonely, I can't explain you how it feels to be without you even now... Anyways, I'd like you to admit that it wasn't just me pushing things, it was also you giving up, because let's be honest I made it hard all the time, I used to push you out and in my heart all the time, like a crazy because that's the only way I can love you... and one day your patience reached its limits and you also decided to leave... and now I miss you.

Anyways, I hope you're doing fine, it will be a whole month since the last time I got in touch with you and even when we exchanged a few words only, you seemed to be fine; I guess I seemed to be fine too, because even if superficially, we're fine somehow. By the way, just for you to know, in case my words confuse you... I am still in love with you, deeply in love with you, with you only.