Selfishness

- Will you be fine? She asked worriedly.

- I am fine. She answered looking at the floor, as if she wasn't there for real, with her head in another place apparently, without life.

- You've been on the bed the last couple of days and it's not exactly out of joy.

- It doesn't mean I am not fine anyways. She said coldly.

- Yes? When was the last time you ate without vomiting? When was the last time you slept without waking up in the middle of the night? When was the last time you spent a whole day without waiting for a call or a message from him!? For God's sake, you're destroying yourself for that man! She said frustrated, not being able to make her understand how dangerous was her situation.

- It's okay, don't worry. She said with a raspy voice and started coughing, so Leticia handed her a hanky and before she could cover her mouth, Leticia saw the blood drizzling and fell in shock.

- Ca... Ca... Catalina... What's going on? Leticia asked with pretty open eyes while Catalina tried covering the blood in her hanky.

- I was coughing. She seemed more present now and finally worried, even if not for the same reasons that Leticia did.

- I have seen blood! Blood! What are you doing to yourself, Catalina? I prohibit it! I definitely prohibit it! Leticia said and started crying wildly while moving her hands up and down looking all around the place not knowing what to do, feeling impotent in front of such a scene.

- I am killing myself, Leticia. And you don't have to put blame on him, because even before him everything was messed up inside of me. He came dressed up like life, he was strong, he was hope himself even when he'd claim I... She laugh and then said ironically. I was hopeful in his life. And the tears appeared up silently. He has always been light, while I am darkness. 

- Oh dear, dear Catalina. I beg you, I beg you to stop doing this. For the love you have for me, for your family, for your friends, stop it. I beg you. Leticia said and got on her knees in front of her while holding her hands, as deep as her love was, as deep as her pain was.

- Leticia... Thanks for staying with me when everybody else left... Thank you for staying even when he, who I love the most, has left. Thank you and I am sorry since I couldn't get enough strength to face such a world, to hold in myself such sorrow of his absence. See, dear? I am tired of trying, my body has gotten enough, my heart bleeds more and more every day and my eyes have forgotten what rest is. And Leticia couldn't understand how a human being could be so selfish, so heartless at the point of leaving a person in such a state even after moaning... and for a second she saw Catalina smiling next to him, she saw her making plans, she saw her fighting against her own monsters and then she saw her crying frantically, she saw her begging him not to abandon her, she saw her writing thousands of letters, she saw her destroyed and she understand Catalina's heartache, she finally understood it all... and how painful understanding was!

- I am sorry for your loss, Catalina. She said while calming down and standing up to make a cup of tea for Catalina. But I beg you not to bring the same kind of pain you hold in your breast to my life. Leticia said while drying her tears.

- Turn up the volume. Catalina asked and Leticia did it obediently.

They both didn't talk about the matter anymore but Leticia prayed Catalina would think about the matter and make one last effort to stay alive, to live; she wanted to be next to her to show her to live for real, without pain, for once.

*music* 
Te voglio bene assai...
ma tanto, tanto bene sai,
è una catena ormai
e scioglie il sangue dint'e vene sai ♪♫

- It's a beautiful song. Catalina said while looking at the radio and finally drawing a real, but melancholic, smile over her tired face.

- Beautiful and sad. Leticia answered looking at her instead.

- Do you think he will ever come back, Let? She asked with a sweet tone, looking at Leticia.

- But darling, he is right here, with you. He has left without himself, he must be all alone by now. Maybe he is missing himself. Leticia answered trying to act joyful with a playful attitude and then caressed Catalina's hair. Catalina closed her eyes smiling, with a little piece of hope while imagining him coming back to her and saying he missed her, he missed himself, he missed them... even if he could never miss all that in the same way she does.