Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Save yourself. (I can not save me)



- Run, Marcus, run! Don't come any close, please. She begged while crying and putting a hand in front of her, stopping nothing but the air. Run, Marcus! Don't come to me any close, it's already too late, they're going to catch you. Run, Marcus! She said while falling down in the grass.
- Victoria, what are you talking about? He tried walking slowly towards her, he knew her state of mind was not the best and he should be careful not to scare her even more.
- Marcus, please, run! She screamed even harder and he hugged her from behind. 
- Here, I am, Victoria. Don't worry. He said trying to calm her and she stood up immediately.
- I told you to run... She started hitting, with her closed fist, the air. Marcus, you can't battle them. I'm going to do it on my own, you run, run away! Save yourself! She said screamed exhausted.

He couldn't understand what exactly was going on, she giving punches in the air, she asking him to save himself, she fighting. For a minute he believed moving was a good option but as soon as he stopped hugging her and walked some steps away without stop looking at her, he saw her falling down on her knees at the beginning but then laying down and putting herself in a fetal position, in pain, in extreme pain.
He came back and hugged her again and she stretched out and stood up again even through the pain and started hitting the air.

- Oh, Marcus! I begged you to leave! Can you see I can't stop if you're not safe? Marcus, I need you to go home and stay there safely! I left it to have a fight with them and for no one to be able to touch you. Marcus, please, leave me alone! I don't want to hurt you.
- Would you hurt me? He said trying to make her notice the nonsense of her own speech.
- No... I meant, I meant them. They'll hurt you and I don't want them to hurt you. Please, keep yourself safe. She begged while crying, sweating, in pain and really tired for the tone of her voice. He stood next to her and started hitting in the same direction she was doing it. What are you doing?
- I am helping you to fight. He said not knowing what he was doing.
- Marcus, there's no one there! She said horrified.
- Neither in front of... He was more confused than before.
- Marcus, you not seeing them nor being able to fight them doesn't mean they're not there! She said prey of panic due to his folly. Without knowing what to do he came back behind her and hugged her from the back.
- This is my only safe place then. You said you won't let them hurt me. I am going to trust you and keep myself right behind you. I couldn't let you fight all alone, but excuse me if I can't see who or what I have to fight with which limits me and doesn't let me help you. But, at least, being right next to you would help you not to give up because you are not allow to give up, Victoria. You're mine and you can not go with them.

She fainted; and, that was the only way to calm herself down to be with him, and he finally got to hold her in his arms, he carried her to take her back home, he passed by the bridge leaving behind that dark forest where she was so used to drive into and brought her to the light, where she wasn't afraid and where she could laugh and see, at least a bit better than in the other side. 


She was his and he was not allowing no one nor anything to keep her away from him, not even her own insanity, because even that was his.




Thursday, January 8, 2015

Because you...

Those eyes of him were her deepest ruin, where she could find the sweetest salvation; that's how confusing but beautiful he was for her. She wasn't able to imagine a world without him... not after meeting him, not after get to know him, not after being able to see the beauty of his soul, she was way to captivate for him like to just let him go.
"I couldn't explain how you were light when I was in darkness but you were the deepest darkness ever where I was finding light."
She was putting down all her walls, she was building up new ones with his instructions, she find herself letting too many windows and she was asking herself if that was the right to do, yet the smile on his face would have made her build walls until the sky if it was necessary as long as he could keep on smiling. 
"I'll rather to die loving you even if it makes me the worst because loving you makes me feel the best and to live without loving you would mean to die slowly in the worst situation possible. Because you're life and I'm always dying."
Forgiveness, that was all she wanted, from who? from God, from him, from herself... give some peace to her soul, her soul that lately could only get calm in the silence of his conversations with her, because it was him and him only who could get to hush the voices that may tell her how to die and why to. He was the only one there to shake her whole body with a look and make her understand it's okay to be human, he was going to be there to hold her and she wanted to be strong for him.