Away.

It's just that the darkness embraces me... and even when the light is right there & there are also hands ready to hold me and keep me safe from myself I still loose my way over and over again.

I try not to drown but the water is right there as well, taking away my breath, that air I need to live! And I can't explain how disturbing it is, how annoying & hurtful it can be... And I need no one to wrong me to feel like this, cause I'm already broken, it's just that people always take my pieces or even myself and clue them together as if it'll may fix the damage, and when someone points that out, they don't do big thing, they just push me to throw to myself against the wall and get broken one more time... but I am already broke, I couldn't blame no one anymore... It's not the world that is against me, it's myself! it's myself! a hundred times myself! It has been me! It has been me who did this! It's this weakness of mine that makes no sense in a world like this, it's this weakness synonym of myself that breaks me down & I can't go ahead... Don't even try helping me up, don't! just don't! don't! Will you do it no matter how many times I'll fall? I bet you won't, nobody will, nobody can hold soft enough such a porcelain doll like me, it's a waste of time for people and for me, to keep me facing days when I'm dying in this site that appears more like a hospital bed to me, where I get discharged when "I'm getting better" but admits me again as soon as I weep. Oh God, I'm so done! I'm sad for the rest but with me & myself I'm so done! Take me away, I'm already bleeding, bleeding more won't make a big difference. No, no more surgeries nor tubes nor pain, it's been enough... and I'm ready to leave.

“Doctoring her seemed to her as absurd as putting together the pieces of a broken vase. Her heart was broken. Why would they try to cure her with pills and powders?”

— Leo Tolstoy