Have you ever find yourself crying and crying again over the same person without a specific reason? I'm asking cause I find it curious... I've found myself crying over and over again along for a whole month and more and I just don't understand why, because it makes no sense... When you miss someone you try to talk to that person, why haven't I? When you don't want someone in your life anymore you put that person out of your life, why haven't I done so? If I don't want this nor that, why do I cry? over what? Because it's not once or twice, it's over and over again... like it's an endless source of pain, maybe I cry because it hurts, but if it hurts so much, why haven't I tried to stop the pain? Maybe because no matter what will I do, I will always end up finding a reason to cry over that person, right? I am just saying no matter what will happen it'll bring me pain, right? But I've laughed as well & I have been happy as well... then why am I like this right now? Is it maybe cause I felt replaced and I thought I was nothing but a memory then? But why am I not taking my place back? Maybe because I find it as something impossible... Like I don't understand how I ever become in someone important for someone else, actually I understand when people leave me but I don't understand when people stay, I mostly think they do out of pity or cause they find me as a source of entertainment but if I am busy or sad or angry I find no reason for anyone to stay by my side, why will anyone want to stay by my side in these circumstances... then why do I cry? I always knew this may happen, I never understood a reason for this person to stay for so long, then why do I cry? over pictures, videos, images, words, memories, why? why can't I smile normally remembering good old memories? why do I cry with deep sadness? I am good at meeting new people and apparently people like me easily and I like them back since I find it as an act of kindness so why do I cry over losing someone? I usually don't, If I loose someone I obviously feel sad but I don't cry, crying won't make that person come back to me nor fix anything, in fact I'm a very logical person even when I'm pretty sentimental as well. But I insist, why do I cry over what's going on lately? why can't I face my days with the knowledge of the absence of this person? why can't I just be okay and let it go? Why does it hurt so bad? Still the main question is Why Do I Cry Over It? I find myself crying hysterically, walking like a death body, sometimes eating too much and sometimes not eating at all, sometimes sleeping too much and sometimes not sleeping at all, making draws, writtings, poems, I find myself really depressed but over what? Maybe in the future things will be okay but okay how? Maybe I cry because right now everything seems like a big mess, but why will I cry over it? If I find something that needs to be order or there's not way to put it in order, I just forget it and go on with my life. So why do I cry? Maybe because I'm use to this person presence more than my own and I find myself empty... but I used to be okay before this person coming in, so why? Maybe because it feels like I'm losing my bestfriend and it certainly kills whoever who loves her bestfriend as deep as I love mine... but still why do I cry instead doing something over it? Maybe because I'm so tired and feel so weak that can't even afford to move to something that can bring me a bigger pain? Maybe because that new friend presence made me feel I'm nothing but past... There are many "maybes" and not a accurate answer. The matter is that I am not this kind of person, yes I am a weak person but I've never found myself so weak over someone as now... I'm so absorbed by this person presence that I've certainly forgotten my own... Will this person miss me half of what I do? Love me half of what I do? Maybe I'm asking too much and not remembering my own feelings when this person was around, maybe the answer ain't in my head but in the feeling of some moments, maybe just maybe; or maybe it's over and I'm overthinking and crying over something that has already conclude without my permission or participation even when I'm an active member of it, or was... I'm just so confused, but guess what? Right now I am not crying, even when later I may will be doing it, but why? I don't know, I just know I will, because the absence is still here and I don't really know how to bear it.
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