It has been exactly one month two weeks and one day without sound and one month and two weeks without words... my first greetings doesn't count, only yours counts, yours, because yours are complete, yours are shameless, yours are different than mine. I'll like to know where is the sound and where are the words... this silent place is getting darker, and this empty place inside is getting bigger.
You know at this point I am done disturbing you... I am always trying to get back to you because maybe I used to feel you care, I used to believe you want me in your life... This year has been hard, seeing you sad for so long has being so hard to handle... also this semester has been so difficult, you have no idea... You know I really miss you but I just don't know if you miss me too... I don't know if you hate me now, I don't know if you think about me now, I just don't know... It's the first time things have been so wrong for so long.
First off I felt replace, like you're always telling me I have too many friends and so on, but this time it was not me being nice, it was you being extra nice to someone else and certainly I love you getting new friends because that's good, but... putting her in a place that I consider mine? Seriously? That was way too much. It was something out of my hands... Do you know? feeling that your best friend doesn't need you anymore, doesn't care about you anymore, doesn't love you anymore... it was heartbreaking. I just felt I was doing nothing in your life, actually I still feel like that; but I am not jealous anymore, maybe that's why I can open myself again... Maybe you think I don't care about you anymore and I already got over you and I just moved on, but heck no! Who the heck do you think I am? Don't you know me at all? Maybe you forgot me... You forgot your kitty so fast... and got a new one, didn't you? I miss you everyday & little by little my depression consumes me and, as usual, I don't know what to do... and people confuse me... some people tell me to go and talk, some people tell me to wait, some people say you care, some people say you don't... and since I am sad I can't think clearly and get to know or at least imagine what you're thinking over the whole situation...
Second, I guess you have your reasons... don't you? Because there must be a reason or more than one, for you to just leave me hanging in this way... I am almost sure about it is not a big thing, I am almost sure about it's something that can be fixed but you haven't told me what did I do this time and I can't know, also... I am confused! I tell myself over and over again that you wouldn't have kept me for so long in your life if you don't want me, but then I think, he has pushed me out so hard in so many ways so many times, but it has always been me trying to stay there and saying I won't leave you and begging you not to leave me, so... I think maybe it's me pressuring you, maybe it's me forcing you to keep me in your life but you actually don't want me there... I've had too many time without you to overthink... and there are so many ideas disturbing me... telling me you don't care... and it's hurting. I really wanted you to appear up saying you miss me, deep inside I wanted you saying you care and you value our friendship, but it never happened.... it never happened... and it just made me think I was right about my thoughts, because even when you are you and probably your proud wouldn't let you get close even if you want to, I think in case you really care about us, our friendship would've been bigger than your pride but apparently it is not.
Third, I tried... even in a silly way, I tried... maybe not enough, but I tried... I wrote as much as I could considering the fact of you acting like you don't want to answer... I called, considering the fact of you acting like you don't want to talk to me. I am sorry, I am this annoying and probably you're completely done and you wish I don't exist for sure, but you were one of the best things that ever happened to me, even with all our fights, so... thank you. May Allah reward all your patience with me all this years; by the way, in case you forgot, on July 29th it was our Second Frienship's Anniversary, yayy, hehe.
Forth, I am sorry for making you read all this, I know I write too much, but I was needing to tell you all this. I know you're still here, you gotta know I am still there but somehow we are not... anyways, thank you for everything, seriously, everything, even the most simple detail counts for me and you know it. I am sorry for everything as well, I know I've done wrong many times and well, I am not perfect, but you gotta be sure about I did my best, I really did. I want you to know that it's all right... the fact about you not wanting me anymore in your life, it is okay; don't feel you're a bad person or I'm leaving you, or any bad thought towards it, it's okay, so don't worry please... I am not saying I am fine, certainly I am not and I won't for a loooooooooong time, but I will be fine one day, so do me a favor and don't be hard on yourself. I love you deeply, I really do. Be happy, okay? or at least try to. May God, praise be upon Him, always always always bless you and protect you puppy...you may think you're a big boy, but you're still a baby for me and you'll always be so be careful over your actions and words and be a good little boy. We're still friends, I know; but it's not the same as before and you know.
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