Let's do it, one more time.

She was looking to the skyline asking herself as many things as usual... just trying to figure out what her next step will be. She was amazed at herself, she was alive after all and in situations like this she just used to lose her heart and that was it. She was actually completely done with that vicious circle but she kept thinking about if she was able to stop it or not.... she thought the new piece may help with that.

"All this has been really hard... and I'm in a point where I can't take it anymore, I can't handle it. My own life is such a mess thanks to this... I don't mean to say all was such a mistake, I'm just saying almost everything is going in the wrong way otherwise I wouldn't be feeling so heavy... I just want to run but I can't stop looking back, I know it's mostly my fault for letting things go so far but I will like knowing if you ever think about it... Like seriously, if you ever think about all the hurting things you can do or say in order to let go your anger, but how all that destroys me... I ask myself if you want me alive, not just physically alive but psychically alive."

She left that place because it was getting late to go to her meeting, she was going to go out with the girls, it wasn't going to fix a thing, but for a few hours she may not stop feeling but stop thinking so much about all. She was listening to Lady Antebellum and their words were saying it all "Nothing more to say, nothing left to break, I keep reaching out for you, hoping you might stay. Nothing more to give, nothing left to take, I keep reaching out for you." so she could do nothing else but shed some tears.

On her way, someone called her name but she didn't stop; a second time... she didn't stop still it sounded closer; a third time, she was not going to do it but this time the boy touched her bag.

- Hey Menna weren't you listening? (he said but she didn't turn around yet)

The number of tears increased, telling her "here he is" laughing cause of her luck. She tried to clean her face and turned around.

- Hey Amged, I'm sorry I couldn't actually hear you. (she lied while putting out her earphones and falsified a smile)

- Are you okay? (he asked worriedly)

- I am, thanks. What about you? It has been a while. (she said calmly)

- Yeah, I'm sorry we haven't been in touch I've been really busy with my exams. (he said that as the biggest truth of the world)

But she knew perfectly the reason, he could not lie to her, not even once because even trying was a fail. It was okay anyway, she wasn't going to say a thing, she wasn't even going to react as she should, she wasn't going to get mad, she wasn't going to apologize, she wasn't going to give him any bad face, she was just going to hear and take his words how he gave them to her, as the biggest truth of the world even knowing it wasn't like that.

- It's okay. How were your exams? (she asked without any special expression on her face)

- Good, thank God. Happy Ramadan Menna. (he said and smiled)

- Good. Happy Ramadan. (she smiled back)

They started walking in the direction of a little opened store, once there he opened the cooler, took two ice creams without even ask if she wants one or not, and paid. It was getting late anyway though, they were already able to start eating.

She sent a message to the girls saying she's sorry but she ain't going, and she stayed talking with him mix feeling of peace to seeing him again and anguish thinking about when will he leave again.

That was it, she thought; let's go back to the routine, let's make it right, and let's ruin it one more time. Let's try to be okay and let's start a silent war one more time. Let's laugh for a few hours and let's cry and get mad for whole days one more time. Let's do it as we've been doing it all this time... one more time. 

- It's not so bad, right? (he told her referring to the weather lately)

She didn't really pay attention to his last words and she even forgot what were they talking about and a thousand memories went through her mind, the days crying, the nights without sleeping, all that time being so moody, the mistreatment of the people she loves cause of her sadness thanks to him, the empty days on the bed trying to don't break when she was already broken... but even through all that, she just gave him the answer he wanted.

- It is not actually. 

And those words hurt her as well because it was really bad, but at the same time, It Was Not So Bad as long as he was there... as long as he stays, even if it means staying to cut her into pieces more little, after all, he was going to pick them up later and cut them one more time. She asked herself how many pieces does he actually need to cut her in order to be pleased with her. She laughed, the answer didn't really matter, she wasn't going to get completely tired as long as he was there she thought bitterly. 

"Do not grieve; indeed Allah is with us."  

[9:40]