Stay strong...

She said it was fine and she could do it without him for first time in so long, but why was she holding her teddy so tighly? Wasn't that teddy the remembrance of himself in her little world that was in fact that guy? She was missing him, no doubt; dying would've been easier still living was the only option.

Blameless

I'm not happy at all, 

Can't even smile without pain anymore, 
But I'm freaking done of depending so much 
Want to cry alone 
And face the world on my own!
Maybe I'm asking way too much
But all this mess got to a point
Where I can't take it no more.

Maybe I'm being selfish
As usual me is so childish
But even adults cry when it hurts
And I've lost all my blood
& my whole energy, healing where you injure.

I'm not pretending to be a saint
Heck no! I know well I ain't!
But I'm caring too much 
and you ain't at all
I'm not blaming you 
Certainly you don't know
I'm just saying we hit the goal
& we can't hold it in for so long.

I apologize for every mistake I've done
I get down on my knees even when I should not
And I say in tears that I'll go
While you look up but your tears support us
You'll shout at me & here we go
Once more the show is on
I'm leaving, You're letting me go
You're leaving, I'm begging you not to

I'm not pretending to be a saint
Heck no! I know well I ain't!
But I'm caring too much 
and you ain't at all
I'm not blaming you 
Certainly you don't know
I'm just saying we hit the goal
& we can't hold it in for so long.

I ask myself why is all so wrong?
There's not a middle term between us
It's just all light or all murk 
Can't be so-so it always get harsh
I can't see in darkness, can you?
I may hold your hand, nothing else I can do
Will you guide me to light or just knock me down?
I'm already crawling no need to try hard

I'm not pretending to be a saint
Heck no! I know well I ain't!
But I'm caring too much 
and you ain't at all
I'm not blaming you 
Certainly you don't know
I'm just saying we hit the goal
& we can't hold it in for so long.

I'm a beggar lacking of love
You're another one, pretending you're not
At least I make a barter, you don't
I try paying back you care not
Let's just end it here and say “chao”
Forget all the years cause now it's a chaos
Believe me it's not me saying this discourse
It's my broken heart trying to break the curse
Can't stop bleeding I swear to God
Can't stop weeping the pain's so strong....

I'm not pretending to be a saint
Heck no! I know well I ain't!
But I'm caring too much 
and you ain't at all
I'm not blaming you 
Certainly you don't know
I'm just saying we hit the goal
& we can't hold it in for so long.

You must be confuse by now

Please don't get me wrong, no

I need you more than anyone in the world

I am just done with the misery I go through

Whenever you're not around teaching me to be tough

I swear you're the best friend I've ever had

And my love for you is bigger than my self love

Just let me see your smile once more

I might forget all my sadness now

Please forget your madness too

Gotta admit all this speech is pointless

It was just me babbling out of stress

And you're completely blameless.

Madelaine Bustamante

Butterfly fly away? No way.

She let her most precious butterfly free 

while little diamonds appeared 

one after one so the butterfly asked: 

“But why?” And she said “Because of you

leaving me...” & the butterfly cried too

and fell down.

The little girl took her back and said: “But why?” 

And the butterfly smiled saying: 

“Because I thought you were abandoning me but, 

in fact, it was me flying away. And I don't want to.” 

The kid smiled back saying 

“Good butterfly, good 

and sweet friend of my heart”.

Go home.

Here is the thing. 

You're all alone. 

Stop waiting for anyone to save you anymore. 

Go back home, 

hug daddy, 

talk to mommy, 

kiss granny, 

play with brothers 

and forget about the world. 

Your world has already forgotten you, 

you're just so slow. 

Let's do it, one more time.

She was looking to the skyline asking herself as many things as usual... just trying to figure out what her next step will be. She was amazed at herself, she was alive after all and in situations like this she just used to lose her heart and that was it. She was actually completely done with that vicious circle but she kept thinking about if she was able to stop it or not.... she thought the new piece may help with that.

"All this has been really hard... and I'm in a point where I can't take it anymore, I can't handle it. My own life is such a mess thanks to this... I don't mean to say all was such a mistake, I'm just saying almost everything is going in the wrong way otherwise I wouldn't be feeling so heavy... I just want to run but I can't stop looking back, I know it's mostly my fault for letting things go so far but I will like knowing if you ever think about it... Like seriously, if you ever think about all the hurting things you can do or say in order to let go your anger, but how all that destroys me... I ask myself if you want me alive, not just physically alive but psychically alive."

She left that place because it was getting late to go to her meeting, she was going to go out with the girls, it wasn't going to fix a thing, but for a few hours she may not stop feeling but stop thinking so much about all. She was listening to Lady Antebellum and their words were saying it all "Nothing more to say, nothing left to break, I keep reaching out for you, hoping you might stay. Nothing more to give, nothing left to take, I keep reaching out for you." so she could do nothing else but shed some tears.

On her way, someone called her name but she didn't stop; a second time... she didn't stop still it sounded closer; a third time, she was not going to do it but this time the boy touched her bag.

- Hey Menna weren't you listening? (he said but she didn't turn around yet)

The number of tears increased, telling her "here he is" laughing cause of her luck. She tried to clean her face and turned around.

- Hey Amged, I'm sorry I couldn't actually hear you. (she lied while putting out her earphones and falsified a smile)

- Are you okay? (he asked worriedly)

- I am, thanks. What about you? It has been a while. (she said calmly)

- Yeah, I'm sorry we haven't been in touch I've been really busy with my exams. (he said that as the biggest truth of the world)

But she knew perfectly the reason, he could not lie to her, not even once because even trying was a fail. It was okay anyway, she wasn't going to say a thing, she wasn't even going to react as she should, she wasn't going to get mad, she wasn't going to apologize, she wasn't going to give him any bad face, she was just going to hear and take his words how he gave them to her, as the biggest truth of the world even knowing it wasn't like that.

- It's okay. How were your exams? (she asked without any special expression on her face)

- Good, thank God. Happy Ramadan Menna. (he said and smiled)

- Good. Happy Ramadan. (she smiled back)

They started walking in the direction of a little opened store, once there he opened the cooler, took two ice creams without even ask if she wants one or not, and paid. It was getting late anyway though, they were already able to start eating.

She sent a message to the girls saying she's sorry but she ain't going, and she stayed talking with him mix feeling of peace to seeing him again and anguish thinking about when will he leave again.

That was it, she thought; let's go back to the routine, let's make it right, and let's ruin it one more time. Let's try to be okay and let's start a silent war one more time. Let's laugh for a few hours and let's cry and get mad for whole days one more time. Let's do it as we've been doing it all this time... one more time. 

- It's not so bad, right? (he told her referring to the weather lately)

She didn't really pay attention to his last words and she even forgot what were they talking about and a thousand memories went through her mind, the days crying, the nights without sleeping, all that time being so moody, the mistreatment of the people she loves cause of her sadness thanks to him, the empty days on the bed trying to don't break when she was already broken... but even through all that, she just gave him the answer he wanted.

- It is not actually. 

And those words hurt her as well because it was really bad, but at the same time, It Was Not So Bad as long as he was there... as long as he stays, even if it means staying to cut her into pieces more little, after all, he was going to pick them up later and cut them one more time. She asked herself how many pieces does he actually need to cut her in order to be pleased with her. She laughed, the answer didn't really matter, she wasn't going to get completely tired as long as he was there she thought bitterly. 

"Do not grieve; indeed Allah is with us."  

[9:40]

Forever.

- Mom... Do you miss daddy? Asked her little daughter
- I do baby. She answered and her eyes held a lot of depth.
- Mom, did he love you? The little girl asked with real curiosity.
- He did, he does and he will. The mom answered firmly.
- And me? does he love me too? She asked shily.
- Yes... a lot baby, a lot. She answered with tender.
- Mom... why are you wearing your wedding dress again?
- Because I miss your dad. And the tears start falling.
- Is this dress himself? Asked the kid confused but excited and made her mother laugh even through all her tears.
- It is not... But it reminds me of the second best day of my life.
- Second? What's the first one then mommy? 
- When you were born. They smiled and hugged each other.

He was not there but he was... after all he never left in first place, she couldn't allow that. They wouldn't do so.

And they lived happily forever, because daddy is always here, even when my eyes can't see it
my heart can feels it. Mommy taught me that... and I'm going to teach you about grand dad presence.
END.