Friday, December 27, 2013

Cuántas faltas.

¿Respeto? Entonces quieren decir que ¿me respetan pero no toman en consideración alguna la importancia de mis creencias? ¿Debería simple y llanamente hacer caso omiso a sus violaciones a mi libertad? ¿Realmente han llegado a creer que sus creencias, por ser suyas, valen más que las mías, por ser mías? 

Las cosas como pueden llegar a ser... tan absurdas hasta la médula; vivimos en una época tal donde la tolerancia hacia otros cultos no existe para la mayor parte de la población aunque las leyes dictan lo contrario. No sé qué sea del resto del mundo, pero al menos en donde yo vivo la tolerancia en ese aspecto es ciertamente superficial, la gente se contradice a sí misma, aceptan unas cosas y rechazan otras, de manera que ni aceptan todo ni rechazan nada, están cobijados bajo su cómoda zona de confort: en el medio; en un estado-neutro donde creen estar bien, pero están perdidos y seguirán así porque no creen necesitar despertarse.

¿Quitarme esos tabús? Mientras sea yo quién viva “bajo esos tabús” debería estar bien, porque tengo entendido que mis derechos terminan donde empiezan los suyos, pero no me veo sobrepasando los míos y alterando ninguno suyo.

¿Sus festividades? Adelante ¿Sus rezos? Cosa suya ¿Sus costumbres? Mientras no me vea obligada a seguirlas si no quiero ¡Sigan! ¿Pero qué se han creído? Repito, sus derechos acaban donde empiezan los míos. Y soy libre de hacer lo que considere correcto, tanto como lo son ustedes.

De repente me vi rodeada de personas que quieren que los respete pero no me respetan... ya sé que no pienso como ellos, que nuestras opiniones varían, que nuestras dogmas son diferentes, pero sigo siendo parte de ustedes y ustedes siguen siendo parte de mí... ¿Cómo vivimos entonces? ¿En qué momento estos desencuentros se vuelven en recuerdos grotescos del pasado y dejan de repetirse? Porque insisto en que: no estoy perjudicando a nadie... tal vez mis decisiones lleguen a lastimarlos y mis afirmaciones los dejen desconcertados; pero, sigue siendo la forma de vida que yo he escogido, sin embargo, volvemos a esos puntos en los que soy tan pequeña que aun no puedo pensar por mí misma. Es extraño como para otras cosas en cambio, estoy tan pasada en sabiduría que, no saber es una burla de mi parte. 

¿Pero dónde estamos? ¿En qué momento empece a ser una persona sin voz? ¿Fue cuando me cambie de religión? ¿O cuando ustedes decidieron que mi voz no valía más? Pero ¿Quién me ha quitado mis alas? ¿Mis creencias o sus prejuicios para la misma? 





What?

She was trying to go down the streets all drunk and dopey, with all her make up undone cause of her tears, she could barely walk... she was almost crawling in fact, she was so mad with everybody, but especially with herself, it was the first time she tasted alcohol and it was horrible certainly yet she wanted to try, she wanted to forget everything for a little as everybody told her alcohol will do. The past day was probably the worst of her whole life.

[Two days before]
The phone rings while she was in the break of the practice for her show, she looked at the locked screen and took the call.
- Hi! She said and big smiled appear on her face.
- Hey... He replied with a turned off voice. She knew there was something wrong, she knew it since a while ago but she wasn't brave enough to talk about it, she just wanted to let it be, she was waiting it'll be just a matter of time til things get back to normal, but things were turning in a way no one imagine, at least not her.
- How... how are you? She said in a normal tone of voice trying to look calm so he won't feel pity for her.
- I'm doing well. Jey there's something I need to talk with you about.
- Sure, no problem. Is there any cool surprise for me? She said joking but he didn't laugh.
- Tomorrow at the coffee next to your house at eleven a.m. Is it okay for you?
- Yeah. She said now acting as cold as him.
- Okay. Bye then.
- Goodbye Arvad.
She couldn't even slept that night, she was worried to death... and even when she told herself over and over again it was probably a simple joke of him, she was already crying wishing everything'll be fine.

[Next day in the morning, at the coffee]
- What? She said aloud with a shaken face. She was wearing a black and white outfit, black jean, white t shirt and black jacket and white converses.
- Yeah, I'm leaving. My father just told me he got a job for me in this company so I'll take this chance. He answered calmly. He was wearing an immaculate suit, grey pants and waiscoat, and black shirt and classical mocassins.
- Well, that's pretty cool yet I'm not asking about the job but about you and I talking no more. What the heck are you talking about? She asked angrily.
- I need you to calm down.
- I am calm, can you see my freaking face? I'm perfectly calm, a not calm me would slapping you to death so you may come back to your senses. She said staring at him. And he laughed a little bit.
- It's over, Jey. He announced looking at his almost empty cup of tea with milk.
- What's over exactly Ar? She asked smiling spitefully now.
- Everything. I mean, you and I.
- You and I? She asked with a surprise face.
- Yeah. He said this time a bit ashamed starting to think he was actually saying nonsense since she wasn't understanding him.
- There's nothing, before, now or later. And will never be. She said cutting the air with her words and breathing hardly.
- Right. He concluded ashamed but serious and cutting.
- I guess we're done here and you have nothing else to say. I'm leaving first. She said and left the place after thraw him a hard look.

She was walking back to her house but then she thought about all the questions her mom will do and how mad her father will get after seeing her crying over him so she kept on walking without a direction til she found that bar where she lost herself. It was fine anyways, to crawl and vomit was fine, her head was so heavy and she was feeling she'll die at any moment, her whole body was in such a terrible state that her heartache was nothing but a bittersweet mouthful...

She had no idea about how she reached home, the last she remembered was getting into a taxi and giving him her address before she continue vomiting out of the window; thank God she did that at least.
- So is everything clear now?
- It is.
- Did you seriously get I meant? Said a man with a strong face looking her in a hard way.
- Yes, sir. 
- Perfect. Her father said and left the house.
- You know he's doing all these just because he loves you... His mom said looking at her worrily.
- For the first time, I know mom, I really know. She replied and smiled.

The times goes on and the years passed away, she met someone who helped her to build up everything the other person destroyed; thanks to her family and her fiancee she was a new person and she was ready to give the next step, marry him and have a family, all on her own.
They were lay down on the grass looking at the stars that fantastic night and he asked her:
- Do you really want this?
- Yes.
- I hope so. And she smiled, why does he doubt so much? Maybe because he could never forget how hard it was for her to stand up again and he could never imagine he would get it.

Two months later before the wedding Arvad came back... after three years without seeing each other he just appeared up again knocking her door like if nothing has happened, like if nothing has changed.
- Hey girl. He said with a half smile when she opened the door, he was holding something in his arms...


Sunday, December 22, 2013

It's okay if it hurts sometimes.



She was crying and crying and crying... I  couldn't help it but feel sad for her, why was that child crying all alone there? I walked towards her and I found out a woman looking at her in the corner while she was talking with other women, I guess it was her mother; instead of walking to the little girl I went to her mother then.
- Good morning madam.
- Good morning young laddy. She said kind of smiling to me.
- Is that your child? I asked while pointing out the baby girl.
- Yes. She replied. I waited for a few seconds but she didn't say nothing else so I continued.
- She is crying, maybe you can't see since here...
- I can. I know she's crying at the moment but she'll gradually stop.
I couldn't believe it! So there was a mom seeing her child crying and not moving for it, it was just incredible for me, I couldn't even understand her type of heart! Maybe I was over reacting though, children cry over anything... maybe it wasn't a big deal.
- She just lost her teddy & she has been crying for days now. She cries for a while, yet you'll see her playing around again. The thing is my dear, that the teddy she lost was very important for her so no one actually knows how she lost it and she doesn't want to tell me. I've thought about getting her a new one, but whenever I get one she rejected it, so lady, what to do? At least I should let her cry as she wants. The mother said and I saw a shadow of sadness over her face, certainly I judged her way too fast and wrongly.
- I see, would you mind if I talk to her? I requested.
- You should ask her instead. It's okay with me in any case. She answered.
I walked towards the child, yet I wasn't sure about how to manage it. I haven't had my own children yet... how could I explain her that God knows better why the teddy is not by her side anymore? I had to try anyways, it was my duty, my duty as future mother.
- Hi. I told her.
- Hello. She replied and smiled.
- How are you beautiful? 
- I am fine, thank you. And you? She said looking at me and cleaning her tears, yet the sadness was still all drawn over her tiny face.
- I am fine, thank God. Are you seriously fine? 
- Yes. She told me and I wasn't sure about asking but I insited.
- But... I saw you crying some minutes ago.
- Yes, but I am fine. 
- Why were you crying then? I was starting to get curious over her answer.
- Because I miss him.
- Who?
- Him.
- Who is he? 
- My teddy. She said and tear fell down, I just hated myself for insisting.
- I am sorry I guess you don't really want to talk about him.
- I can't get him back. She said now crying frantically.
- Why? Have you lost him? Where did it happen? Maybe we can look for him together.
- He left me. She said and fixed me with her gaze.
- How? It was all I could said, how can a teddy leave a person? It wasn't making any sense to me.
- He stopped playing with me, he started playing more with her. He stopped talking to me and started talking to her. He stopped calling me and started calling her. He stopped loving me and now he just love her. She said and couldn't keep on talking because she was in deep pain. I could see it! I could see it! Yet I couldn't understand her... what was she talking about... who left to who? I was confused and feeling like a real fool not understanding a child. I just remained by her side because I couldn't understand and just repeated her words in my head "stopped playing with me", "stopped talking to me", "stopped calling me", "stopped loving me"... And without any intention he appeared up in my mind, it seems that the little girl called him and asked him to come back here and embed me a knife one more time in the same place it used to be, I thought after two years his memory was sleeping peacefully in a far away place inside of me, but he was just there right now, in front of me, he stopped "playing with me" one more time, he stopped talking to me one more time, he stopped calling me one more time and yes, he stopped loving me. Then there I was crying because I lost my best friend one more, but did I actually lose him? Yes, but just because he left me. I was so focused in my thought that I couldn't see how the kid stopped crying and now she was just looking at me really worried.
- Are you okay? She said. I tried to speak but I was just crying frantically as she was a few minutes ago and couldn't say a word out of the pain I was feeling at that very moment without him.
She took my hand in her little hands and prayed: "Dear God, she just lost a teddy like me. Please make her understand that this teddy wasn't for her but for another child and bring her a teddy for her only, a pretty one, the prettiest... even prettier than mine! So one day, we will stop crying for the old one. Amen." And when she finished I was not crying anymore, at the end she told me what I went to tell her, in fact she already knew what I wanted to teach her, who was learning something there was me, me that could give an advice to someone else but coulnd't take it for myself, me that knew God has a purpose for everything but couldn't control my sadness over an old lost, me, the adult here.
- Are you feeling better? She asked and I hugged her.
- Yes baby, I am so sorry, I just wanted to help you but you ended up helping me. I am so sorry over your lost. I told her.
- It's okay, I am fine. I lost my teddy and I am not thinking anymore he will come back, but I miss him... yet I know God will send me another teddy, one that truly loves me and befriend me forever. I just cry sometimes because I miss my teddy & it's okay if you cry, God understand we are sad, but He is the one that will make us happy as well, just wait and see; meanwhile you have the right to cry as much as you need, one day you'll stop crying indeed. She told me and gave me one more lesson of life, I Can Cry, I'm allowed to do it since I am hurt. Late or soon God will heal me, yet my tears don't mean I am not accepting His Will, it just means I am an human being cause certainly I am who I am and not who I thought I was supposed to be...

"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest" 
[ Qur'an 13:28] ♥


Saturday, December 21, 2013

Our own ways.



It's okay, I knew it'll never work... yet I wanted to believe it could.
Deep in my heart, I really wished we could get it, yet I knew we couldn't.
I wish your way is full of harmless flowers, I wish you won't find any rose like you.
Believe it or not, you're one of the best things that have ever happened to me,
I insist you're the best friend I've Ever Had The Pleasure To Have.

May God bless you, you know? As long as you're smiling... I can keep on walking,
you don't need me anymore & maybe, just maybe I don't as well.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

The meeting.

We entered his house. 

I was really nervous about how things will go on... I couldn't go when it was me who requested it in first place. As soon as I did he just accepted and I couldn't believe it, it was way too easy and I was not prepared for it yet, but I was very happy about it in fact. Once we were in the living room he excused himself and left the room for a few minutes. I was extremely nervous, like "what to do?", "what to say?", "how to act?" It was way too much on my shoulders! But I couldn't walk back now, not when he was allowing me to.

When he came back I finally saw her, she was beautiful! and smiling. But it was curious... the way she walks I mean, like trying to don't make any noise. As soon as I stood up to greet her properly she put up her hands like "Stop" I asked myself if I was doing something wrong or what, then he laughed over my "what" face and her "please no" face, I was about to laugh hard but I just bit my low lip and remained motionless. He talked finally:
- She doesn't want us to make any sound in order to don't wake the baby up. He said smiling and then everything made sense to me, not the fact of the baby sleeping but the fact of me being there in such an embarrasing situation, him.
- Oh, it's okay. I said almost whispering so the baby won't wake up.
- Thanks. His sister reply and her voice was so nice. What were you waiting for? I asked myself, It's pretty obvious her voice was going to be that good since her brother has the best one. I smiled.
- Peace, I am Jody, nice to meet you. I told her and she walked quietly til she reached me and hugged me. I can't even describe the rain of emotions that I got in that moment, I could never explain how kind was Mahira to me since the beginning.
- Nice to meet you Jody, I am Mahira. I couldn't control my happiness and started crying. She felt my tears in her shoulder and push me away slowly til she had us face-to-face.
- Oh honey, what's wrong? She asked me and he came close to us.
- What's up baby? He asked as well a bit confused over my reaction.
- I'm just, I'm just so happy. It was all I was able to say while I came back to her warm shoulders, feeling her a part of my family since now on, feeling her as my own sister for real, feeling myself part of his life more than any other day, more than ever. And his sister just hugged me tight comforting me.

And while we were there, trying to calm me down, he has left the room one more time and I started asking myself if he got any mad at me and he maybe thought I was over reacting; he was not the type of guys who get mad at me over anything actually, he used to take anything I do in a good way. In fact I could do anything I please and he may smiled at me saying I am nut and I'll laugh with him. But this was different, I mean it was involving his family and I knew how important his family was for him. I started getting worry and stopped crying. Mahira asked me to sit down and she sat down next to me, holding my hand like asking me to chill. I was about to ask about him but he appeared up with tray. 
- I got some tea for you girls. He said with a huge smile over his face and that was it, moments like that used to remind me why I was crazily in love with him since some many years ago. He was different to the rest, he was maybe the same in a lot of boys stuff but he had his strong points that I used to love so badly.
- Thanks. His sister replied.
- Thank you. I said and smiled. 
He sat down in the furniture next to us and as his sister served us the tea, that tea that she didn't allow me to served even when I was on my way to do it, he held my hand. 
We started talking about a few things like how is her life and how is mine mostly, well, I can't say "talk" because as me as her were whispering, but he was just talking in her normal voice tone, which I found strange.
- Why are we whispering while you talk? I asked while I lifted up one of my eyebrowns and wore an "interrogation" face. It was just like I pulled a rope behind his back because he started laughing like a crazy and couldn't stop and so I did, except for his sister who was losing her mind over the baby waking up while we have fun, yet she was smiling & I could say she was having a good time as well.

It was probably one of the best days of my life, it was the beginning of a new stage; we were on our way to make things more serious and getting closer to the idea of a real family. I was ready, was I? Well, I've always been ready, but he was ready, it was him who at the end got all what he need in order to make a family next to me and I was just there, letting him hold my hand through this life and guide me to our destination, the one I could only catch with our holding hands.



Wednesday, December 4, 2013

One more time.



I was sit down in third and last step of the door to my apartment, I was just taking a rest looking the break of dawn since there with my little dog in my legs, he was so sweet. I remember when I first met him in the streets, he was pretty wild and not friendly at all, yet I could see him hungry and taking any food he may find on the floor and running away with it. I saw him day after day for a whole week, I can't deny I disliked him in the beginning, after I found him funny and even cute, later I just started throwing some food on the floor in purpose so he may get food easier. 

Believe it or not I started getting attach to that vagabond dog. I tried getting close to him but it was not an easy thing, no matter how much food I throw him, he may just get it and run as if I was a dangerous thing that may hurt him at any moment. I realized somehow he was like me, he was just afraid to get hurt and even if it's hard to understand the simple fact of someone getting close to you can end up hurting you deeply because it's never the same when that someone comes in and then out... that person always takes something from you with him, especially if he was too close to your heart.

Even when he didn't seem to have any intention to trust me and tend to act nonchalant to me, I noticed how he used to start waiting for me to go out from home, like if he was wanting me to appear and he used to follow me to the store, to the restaurant, everywhere! Keeping always a prudent distance in any case. I got use to his presence, my days couldn't be complete without him in it. I started bringing dog's food with me everywhere, I even bought dog's toys and tried to find many ways to push him closer to me and let him know he can lower his guard with me since I was not dangerous and he gradually did.

Since the beginning I came to notice he was the boss, certainly I was the human there but he had the whole control. He didn't use to get into my house but just in weird and special ocassions, if he wants me to be by his side at any time of the night he used to bark like saying "come here now" and if I dare not to go to his call he may not visit to me next day and I used to spend the whole day worried... anyways, he didn't use to bark every single night so I was able to sleep properly sometimes. 


My friends loved him and hated him, they used to love him deeply because I used to be happy everyday just to know I'll see my puppy every new day, in the other hand I used to look deeply depressed if he didn't appear in my door every day, sometimes he used to disappear without any apparent reason and another times I was completely aware about the things I may have done to displease him even if I didn't do it with intention. They used to hate the way that little animal could manage me as he pleases, but I was fine with it as long as he remains by my side, believe it or not he was more special to me than any other being, even more than humans... any human, except by my family.


People never came to understand what he used to represent to me, it was never about all the things I used to give him, time, attention, food, gifts, love; it was all about what he used to give me, about all the things he brought to my life... he was not a burden to me, he was my friend! And I am not saying that I didn't have other friends, talking about people, but he was special to me... he was my best friend. I used to close my eyes and still see him, I used to close my ears and still listen to him, I used to close my mind and still find him there... I never requested anything from him but I always got it all, maybe more than what I could ever bear, maybe more than what I actually deserved... because things started changing. I started seeing him spending a lot of time with more dogs and he used to follow a pretty puppy female sometimes, not always though, he was too proud to follow her all the time when she was clearly trying to avoid him. It was curious, her recent attitude I mean, because I remembered I used to see them together pretty often before he got attach to me. And I used to like her too but if he wasn't not friendly, she was totally retiring and never allowed me to even put a finger on her, nor talk cause if I even tried to she may start barking loudly and run.


Lately I saw him behind her the most of the time and little by little he forgot me... she never came back to pay him any attention but he used to spend his time following her or playing around with the rest of the dogs in the neighborhood... or just lay down on his own in a place away from everybody. Even now I ask myself what else should I have done to keep him by my side. Sometimes I think I could have done more, I could have followed him in the same way he used to do with me at the beginning but... I couldn't do so, I mean, I followed him a few times and got nothing but being ignored; he certainly looked at me sometimes and played with me a few minutes but then left me, showing me I wasn't of his interest anymore...


It was hard to accept it, to acknowlegde that I've lost him; day after day, waiting for him, sometimes calling 
him and following him... I even cried for him! No one could explained why but I cried seas for him yet I couldn't help it... I used to miss his barkings, his looks, his time, his games; no one could get to know what he used to be in my world, no one will ever get it. For me, I wasn't losing an animal, nor a pet, nor one more simple friend, for me... losing him was losing an essential part of my life and without him I was not me anymore but a different version of me, an incomplete one.

And when everything seemed lost for me, there I was, sit down in the door of my place, with him in my legs, touching his hair while we watched together the break of down. No one could ever understand that all I ever wanted from him was his presence in my life, even if he took everything else, as long as he kept on visiting me and making me feel I am part of his life, even a small one, I was happy with it. So there I was, being the happiest girl in the world to have him by my side, one more day... one more time.

The alarm clock sounded and I woke up almost jumping, I looked around and saw my hands... they were empty, I ran to my window and he was not there... he was not coming back and even when I was almost use to the idea, it was still painful, he was still in my dreams and in my day-to-day activities. Only God knew how hard it was, it is and it will always be to bear his absence... I started crying because I wished deep in my heart to sleep forever and have that beautiful dream one more time, I wanted to stuck me in that single moment of peace and happiness with him in my life... one more time.




Wednesday, November 20, 2013

The best one.

And now that everything has changed
I'll like to say a few things I wasn't brave enough to say
I want you to know I really believed in us
In that level of friendship where no one could push us apart
I guess I expected way too much
And I should've known the future wasn't for us both.
Now that the days have come back to what they were without you
And there are no more tears even when I still miss you
Let me tell you that the pain isn't as unbearable as before
I've taught myself to face days without you and it hurts 
But I’m stronger and it hurts but it doesn't break me down anymore
I know we're not foes or something now
Yet I also know we are best friends no more
Oh wait, did I ever get that from you?
Sincerely I know things have been falling down since a while ago
But I really didn’t want to give up
And even when it took my all
My strength and my whole power to keep us on
I thought I could get it and that’s why I tried so hard
But you can’t hold by yourself something that suppose to be of both
You taught me that, do you remember so?
It was you the one who said
“someone can't get it if the other person doesn't want”
Well I got it now, maybe a bit late, but I got to know
That I was trying to keep us on the road
when you've already taken another car
I still love to see you smile and so
With or without me, I swear you deserve all the best so hop 
And don’t worry I’m not sad anymore, just learning to live alone
Its life, you remember? Yeah its life and I can
I can get over this as I’ve done it so many times before
It’s neither the first one nor the last one for sure
I just don’t know how it comes I still can’t get use
And each new hit hurts as much as the first one
The only good is that my best I’ve done I’m sure
There's no regrets to cry over, just memories that can cut
You have no idea about how thankful I am with you even now
All the happiness you brought to my life can’t be repay, not at all
I give you thanks though, because I have nothing more
And I'll keep you in my prayers so you can be safe and don’t give up
We’re in still in touch, you know
So if you think you need me you know where to find me, right?
Don’t get mad over simple words I say sometimes anymore
Sometimes my madness or my sadness takes control
But sincerely, from the bottom of my heart…
All I want to say is Thanks & I Love You So Much
Because, for me you’re still the best one… yeah, even through all.



Madelaine Bustamante

Friday, November 15, 2013

Vanilla & chocolate ice cream.

- When are you leaving? He asked
- The day after tomorrow. She answered like whispering, because she didn't actually want let the words out.
He just smiled, trying to hide his sadness & she believed in his smile, asking herself how things were going to be since then on... she was curious about their love story continuing or just ending there. She was okay with any of his decisions still she really wanted to go ahead.
- Will you miss me? She said and laughed. Of course you won't. You haven't done til now, why will you do it from now on? She said and look to the floor smiling.
- I will. He stood up and started walking. She followed him.
- Have you ever missed me? 
- Yes. I could not stop thinking about you when we first met. Do you remember? I even told you. He said while looking to the river.
- Yes, I remember. But I wasn't sure about if it was true... after all it didn't last longer. 
- Because things don't work in that way & I don't know if I am able to handle things like that. He said looking at her this time.
She was pretty nervous, she was ready for hard words but she just couldn't help it. She remembered the last week and all the happiness her heart housed. Some tears threatened with fall down but she just touched her cheeks with her hands covered by globes and smiled trying to hide them.
He was expecting to see if she cries or draw a sad face but she was okay so he thought she didn't really care.
- Let's go for an ice cream. She asked him and he agreed.
- So... which one do you want? Oh don't tell me, vanilla with pieces of cookies. He smiled.
- And you want chocolate.
- Your memory has improved loads young boy. She said smiling as well. I guess you know why we're eating ice creams at the moment. 
- Sure, because you like sweets. He replied.
- No. Well I like them, but that's not the main reason at the moment. They both laughed.
- Then what's the reason? He looked at her doubting.
- Your birthday. He looked at her seriously.
- But my birthday already passed and you already gave me a gift.
- Yes, but... some years ago, I told you I will give you an ice cream for your birthday when I'll see you. She smiled and a tear fell down.
- Oh... It was all he could said.
- Your eighteen birthday. She reminded him and gave him his ice cream. They kept on walking.
- My memory has improved but you still have a gold memory. He said.
- When it comes about things I care, yeah. She answered him focused on her ice cream.
- Let me taste your ice cream. She was about to refuse but he was already doing it. 
- Hey! She said surprised.
- It was just a licked. He laughed. And she was now staring pretty serious at her ice cream. What? He asked maliciously.
- Nothing. She replied and licked immediatly her ice cream. 
- I think we had a kiss there. She coughed.
- You knew? She asked with her eyes quite open and embarrased. He laughed.
- Girl, the question is: did you know? He asked her while giving her a vain glance.
- Me? She said while blushing. Of course not! She lied and he laughed at her again.
They walked for a while in silence. Til she broke it.
- Do you remember that dream of you?
- What dream? He asked thinking about he has had many dreams along his life. She realized about how silly her question was but she continued.
- The one you had with me long time ago. It was all she said.
- Maybe. He replied. And she got mad inside thinking that wasn't an answer.

They kept on walking in silence and now it was him who broke the silence.
- Would you be okay with a relationship like that? I mean, you there and me here.
- It won't be for so long anyways. She replied.
- What do you mean?
- Whether you'll break up with me or we'll get marry after a few years, you're already in last year and you'll get a job then. She just said what she thought aloud but then she noticed how shameless her answer was but it was too late he was already laughing loads and looking at her; she was red and thinking about where to hide her face full of shame.
- You're right. He said as soon as he stopped laughing and drew a huge smile on his face.
- Am I? He looked up at him smiling and expecting.
- Yes you are lady. He replied and thought seriously about hugging her but control himself.
- I love you. She said quitely and expecting for no answer.
- I love you too. He replied and that was it. 

She was going to be loyal to him and wait for him til forever, even if that forever will mean a forever waiting for real. She was truely in love with him... since the very first time they met... since the first time she was able to hear the sweet melody of his magical voice. 


I'll like to know if you know why I like turtles so much.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Just to chat.

She was just sit down there in the park, watching the little kids playing around and trying to smile even through all. It was such a beautiful day, not too sunny, yet not dark, there was a fresh breeze as well so it was a lovely day for her, plus the beautiful smell of the trees at the park and the water as well. It was those kind of days where she was just happy staying at home reading a book, but today wasn't a really good idea to stay at home due to her mood.
And while she was a bit lost in her own thoughts he passed her by... she was so much into her thought still his imagen was something she couldn't not see... she looked down and tried hard breathing, remembering herself it was alright, they were no one for each other now and it was okay not to say hi anymore...
He passed her by, he saw her yet, he really wanted to get close to her and say hi and how she is doing, after all they were still friends, weren't they? Then...why didn't she say hi? Maybe she didn't see him he thought, she has always been in the clouds since he knows her so probably she didn't see him. He came back on his steps and stood in front of her:
- Hey!
She couldn't believe he did so, why? Just why? It was okay if he talks to her no more, she was getting used to the idea, she was learning to live with it and it was okay out of the moments when she couldn't control her own anguish. She did her best to act normal, she smiled and looked up.
- Hi.
- How have you been? He said looking at her but now putting down his briefcase and sitting next to her.
- I have been fine, thank God. What about you? How is everything going on? It has been a while since last time we talked. She said acting cool and kindly.
- I am fine. Everything is going well by now. He said.
- That's really good to know! She answered and didn't actually know what else to say... Actually she wanted to ask so many things and spend all the day long talking with him as the old times, but at the same time she didn't want... because if she did so then she'll miss him tomorrow and the day after tomorrow and so on when she was finally getting use to his absence.
He wanted to spend a nice time with her now, just to chat, he wouldn't mind if they don't talk in a while after this as before, he just wanted to keep in touch.
- So... have you seen the last movies on cinema? I just passed by the cinema and there's this amazing... He couldn't continue because she interrupted him.
- Yeah, I've seen all the movies on the cinema at the moment, you know I like movies.
- I imagined so, still I wanted to ask. Have you visited this new store of candies in the next street? It's like... He couldn't continue because she interrupted him again.
- Yeah, I went there yesterday with my little nephew, he wanted to go there so bad!
- And you went with him cause you couldn't say no to someone you love... that's so you.
- Sir, yes, sir. She said and both laughed.
- Well, is there any place you haven't gone yet and you'll like to go now? He asked realizing about he wasn't getting any good idea.
- Yes, I think I should go home now. I have many things to do and work I haven't finished yet. It was good to see you, I hope you're doing well always. 
When she said so he was surprised... she never leave before him, she never actually says goodbye, she was always wanting more time, she was always having something else to say... After all seems like things really have changed between they both.
- Oh okay, sure. I was just asking to go anywhere for a minute but I have to go to my job too, I just have half an hour free now, I don't know what I was thinking in. So it was nice to see you, hope to see you soon. Goodbye. He said and smiled. She just moved her head in an affirmative way and left.


So this is how it feels when you can't talk anymore with the ones you love, when there's nothing that can keep you together to your beloved ones, when no matter how many you both lived together now there's nothing in common to talk about... So this is what it is & this is how life mean to be... Seems a bit hard, a bit unbearable, still bearable enough not to kill you...

Don't let this mess with your head, I haven't left anyone, still I have never pressure anyone to stay by my side no matter how bad I want that... 
Show the people in your life how much you love them always, becasue they are there one day, still you don't know if they will be there the next one... 


Friday, November 1, 2013

It's Over


[Talking] 
The baby's sleeping 
Don't you dare to wake her up 
The baby's sleeping, Ben 
Would you dare to wake her up?
<<baby starts crying in the background>> 
<<the mother sighs>>

[Verse 1] 
So many time in this game 
Getting all done and smashed 
Couldn't admit that I failed 
It hurt so deep when you left 
Now it's okay? I can't tell 
So many nights crying out 
Wishing the past can come back 
Begging my heart to calm down 
Why would you tell me goodbye? 
I tried my best and you know 
It wasn't me, it was us! 
I couldn't do it so wrong 
Maybe I didn't at all!

(Chorus) 
And it's over, it's over, it's over 
I don't know if for you it's alright 
And it's over, it's over, it's over 
With you or without you I'll die, so it's fine.

[Verse 2]
The days passed by in my face 
Screaming your name once again 
I couldn't stop myself from stay 
You couldn't stop yourself from change 
I tried not to see it at all 
Pretending it's all perfect now 
Thinking old times haven't gone 
And you and I are still good 
But the sun was really too bright 
In the other side of the map 
There was just silence in us 
And so noisy if i am not 
I tried to be understandable 
You know stuff, being reasonable but...

(Chorus)
It's over, it's over, it's over 
I don't know if for you it's alright 
And it's over, it's over, it's over 
With you or without you I'll die, so it's fine.

[Talking]
It's okay, I'm leaving.
Tell the child not to cry. <<sigh>>




- Madelaine Bustamante

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Meanings. 2.

- So tell me, why are you here?
- I don't know.... a friend of mine asked me to come so I did.
- And why did she asked you to come? Or is a he?
- It's a she. Well... hmmm... she did cause she said you helped her so you may help me.
- With what?
- Something.
- Okay... I will sit down here and you can start talking about it whenever you want.
Was this Maine idea of brilliance? This guy wasn't even trying to get her trust, he was just there waiting for her to do all his job... Because that's what psychologist suppose to do! To know their patient problems. After about fifteen minutes:
- Let me tell you all what you say will be keep in secret because we don't go around spreading our patient's lifes. Also let me tell you my commitment is to help you but I can do it as much as you allow me so I need you to tell me why are you here, I won't jugde you, I am not a priest and I don't know you so you don't have to worry about what you're going to tell me. He said it in a kind tone of voice.
Apparently the man was starting to work and take her seriously. Should she allow him to get into her mind? Should she tell her what's going on? How it comes he doesn't know in advance? What if he laughs of her and her silly problems? They weren't silly for her! Actually the last years she lived a nightmare cause of it and now she was at the limit of everything and couldn't hold her situation for one more week without do a crazy thing. She took a deep breath and let it go:
- I think he's such an idiot, but probably not as much as me. Certainly he is in the position he is cause I allowed it, I don't deny my responsability but at the same time I do. I mean, what else could I do? I never imagine this will be like this, in fact I never imagined this at all. I mean it. He is a... I have no words to say how much I deeply hate him still I really love him. So I'm between love and hate and don't really know how to manage it. Believe me when I say I can't live without him cause I've tried several times and I had end up just cyring him a river; but also, please believe me when I say I can't live with him because I'm always losing my nerves, worry and in such a state of anxiety that I'm scare of have a real anxiety attack. She said it all too fast, almost without breathing and with her eyes turning in crystal slowly. 
- So you're having problems with your boyfriend and that's why you're here. He said in a calm voice like if she said nothing important, nothing new, nothing special after have giving her about five minutes to recuperate.
- No. She answered now mad cause of his attitude.
- No? Is he your husband then? I'm sorry mistress. 
- Oh no! For God's sake no! She claimed and started laughing. Didn't Maine say psychologist were intelligent? That girl was pretty lost or way too in love with this guy.
- What is so funny then? He asked with a pinch of curiosity now.
- Nothing.
- I need you to be more open.
- And I need to go now, I think it's enough for now and maybe next time I will tell you more, but right now I can not. Good bye sir. She said and left the room. She paid her bill and left that building finally, she felt free, no more pressure til he came back to her mind, he and all the problems that with him come to her. 

Thursday, August 29, 2013

I Missed You Butterfly.

She was running in circles, with her arms open is a horizontal way, in the garden and he was just sit down asking himself if she has lost her mind, he didn't really cares anyways, she always was a weird girl, but she wasn't seven years old anymore but ten! she should act as a girl of her age, shouldn't she? he asked himself.

- Why are you doing that? It's too childish. Giving her a bad look.
- It is okay though. She answered him with a big smile on her face.
He stayed quite and she stopped playing to go and sit by his side, not too close though, otherwise he'll stand up and go immediatly.
- Do you really don't know why I am flying? She said while she looked at him seriously.
- Flying? You're not flying but running in circles around the garden Malika! Answered him starting to get nervous.
- Am I? She answered pretending to be surprised.
- Yes you are. He said carelessly.
- I was flying, but you didn't notice. I was trying to make the flowers happy. As you can see there's not butterflies right now so the flowers must be sad without butterflies. I was trying to let them think I am a butterfly so they may be happy. She answered in a serious tone.
- You're hopeless. He said amazed of her insanity.
- You're a butterfly too. She told him looking down and a bit ashamed cause of her ideas.
- I am not. How dare you to say something like that? He said in anger
- I am a flower and you're a butterfly to me since you came back. She said while a few tears appeared up in her eyes. 
- Oh, geez. Don't over react. He said looking away.
- I miss you these vacations. She said smiling now and cleaning her face.
- I didn't. He answered in a low voice.
- It's okay, as long as you're back, it's okay. You're the best friend I've ever had, you know so, right? She told him opening her eyes a lot curious about his answer.
- I know. He said and a half smile was draw on his face.

After all, they both were happy, even when the sadness wasn't away enough to let them be for more than a few minutes. Still those minutes were enough to feel over them the mercy of God for the friends.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Meanings. 1.

And she was crying because it was a serious matter, because she couldn't help herself this time, because she was a slave of her own wishes and she wanted to be free of those destructive feelings; so she walked out of that room & opened that door in front of her hoping someone behind her could actually help her... someone who would save her.

— Welcome. Said the young man with light brown eyes and dark brown hair.
— Good afternoon, thanks. She replied while she looked around the whole office.

It was her first time visiting a professional of his type. After all why would she need a specialist of the mind for? Her friends could give her all the suggestions she needs and... for free! Still her best friend insisted about she should go & kept telling her this guy was a genious who would help her to find a solution to her never-ending problem, and that was enough for her to want to meet him.

Here is where everything starts, still the begginning was also the ending and that was pretty exciting... but also scary.


Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Mystery



But words were never enough to let you know how much I adore you, what I did was never enough to prove me truthful, to prove me worthy of a person like you... You just don't know how much I miss you... and, deep inside, how bad it hurts. It's frankly tiring, to bear with the silences and the indifference. Sometimes I go crazy and think your hate will be accepted in order to imagine there's something still there, but then I see myself breaking into more pieces to imagine you hating me... I wish I can just errase this moment and stay for some time more in those days where you were dancing and I was laughing... or where I was singing and you were laughing... Maybe I'm asking too much, I always ask more than what I can get, but this time I've done my best, I haven't bothered you at all & I hope you're doing great, I'm sorry if I show up from time to time to check on you, it's just kind of hard to stop caring about a part  of your life, it's like stop caring about a part of your body that you know you'll die without... Just in case you ever read this, things get easier for me when you smile, when I find any trace of happiness in you, because you know? As long as you're happy I think I may enjoy that even when we're far apart... I will like to know if you still care & what will you do when I stop caring? Anyways, will I ever stop caring? Such a mystery! 

Sunday, August 11, 2013

No podía, no podría.

Y aunque el camino estaba despejado, las fuerzas se había agotado 
¿Podía caminar? 
No, no podía más... simplemente, no podía más. 
Pero, faltaba mucho por avanzar... 
¿Avanzar? No, no se podía avanzar más, hasta aquí se llegaba 
¿Hasta aquí? El camino está entero. 
¿Entero? ¡Pues que se vayan lo que quieran! 
No podía más, no podía... 
¿Esperando? ¡No esperaba a nadie! 
¿Por qué mira hacia atrás una y otra vez entonces? 
Porque... porque... porque algo se le quedó 
¿Qué cosa? Alguien iría por eso perdido. 
No es eso perdido, es ese. 
¿Ese? Entonces, ¿Perdido o huido? 
¿Huido? ¿Por qué huiría de su persona? 
¡Huyó! ¡Huyó! Por eso no ha vuelto. 
Lágrimas, lágrimas, ha empezado a llorar, no parará. 
No, no podía, no podría más.


Thursday, August 8, 2013

I was needing to tell you this...

It has been exactly one month two weeks and one day without sound and one month and two weeks without words... my first greetings doesn't count, only yours counts, yours, because yours are complete, yours are shameless, yours are different than mine. I'll like to know where is the sound and where are the words... this silent place is getting darker, and this empty place inside is getting bigger. 
You know at this point I am done disturbing you... I am always trying to get back to you because maybe I used to feel you care, I used to believe you want me in your life... This year has been hard, seeing you sad for so long has being so hard to handle... also this semester has been so difficult, you have no idea... You know I really miss you but I just don't know if you miss me too... I don't know if you hate me now, I don't know if you think about me now, I just don't know... It's the first time things have been so wrong for so long. 
First off I felt replace, like you're always telling me I have too many friends and so on, but this time it was not me being nice, it was you being extra nice to someone else and certainly I love you getting new friends because that's good, but... putting her in a place that I consider mine? Seriously? That was way too much. It was something out of my hands... Do you know? feeling that your best friend doesn't need you anymore, doesn't care about you anymore, doesn't love you anymore... it was heartbreaking. I just felt I was doing nothing in your life, actually I still feel like that; but I am not jealous anymore, maybe that's why I can open myself again... Maybe you think I don't care about you anymore and I already got over you and I just moved on, but heck no! Who the heck do you think I am? Don't you know me at all? Maybe you forgot me... You forgot your kitty so fast... and got a new one, didn't you? I miss you everyday & little by little my depression consumes me and, as usual, I don't know what to do... and people confuse me... some people tell me to go and talk, some people tell me to wait, some people say you care, some people say you don't... and since I am sad I can't think clearly and get to know or at least imagine what you're thinking over the whole situation...
Second, I guess you have your reasons... don't you? Because there must be a reason or more than one, for you to just leave me hanging in this way... I am almost sure about it is not a big thing, I am almost sure about it's something that can be fixed but you haven't told me what did I do this time and I can't know, also... I am confused! I tell myself over and over again that you wouldn't have kept me for so long in your life if you don't want me, but then I think, he has pushed me out so hard in so many ways so many times, but it has always been me trying to stay there and saying I won't leave you and begging you not to leave me, so... I think maybe it's me pressuring you, maybe it's me forcing you to keep me in your life but you actually don't want me there... I've had too many time without you to overthink... and there are so many ideas disturbing me... telling me you don't care... and it's hurting. I really wanted you to appear up saying you miss me, deep inside I wanted you saying you care and you value our friendship, but it never happened.... it never happened... and it just made me think I was right about my thoughts, because even when you are you and probably your proud wouldn't let you get close even if you want to, I think in case you really care about us, our friendship would've been bigger than your pride but apparently it is not.
Third, I tried... even in a silly way, I tried... maybe not enough, but I tried... I wrote as much as I could considering the fact of you acting like you don't want to answer... I called, considering the fact of you acting like you don't want to talk to me. I am sorry, I am this annoying and probably you're completely done and you wish I don't exist for sure, but you were one of the best things that ever happened to me, even with all our fights, so... thank you. May Allah reward all your patience with me all this years; by the way, in case you forgot, on July 29th it was our Second Frienship's Anniversary, yayy, hehe.
Forth, I am sorry for making you read all this, I know I write too much, but I was needing to tell you all this. I know you're still here, you gotta know I am still there but somehow we are not... anyways, thank you for everything, seriously, everything, even the most simple detail counts for me and you know it. I am sorry for everything as well, I know I've done wrong many times and well, I am not perfect, but you gotta be sure about I did my best, I really did. I want you to know that it's all right... the fact about you not wanting me anymore in your life, it is okay; don't feel you're a bad person or I'm leaving you, or any bad thought towards it, it's okay, so don't worry please... I am not saying I am fine, certainly I am not and I won't for a loooooooooong time, but I will be fine one day, so do me a favor and don't be hard on yourself. I love you deeply, I really do. Be happy, okay? or at least try to. May God, praise be upon Him, always always always bless you and protect you puppy...you may think you're a big boy, but you're still a baby for me and you'll always be so be careful over your actions and words and be a good little boy. We're still friends, I know; but it's not the same as before and you know.

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Incomplete

My baby girl was screaming once more time and I was starting to get worry, she used to scream a lot while playing but in a joyful way, this time she was screaming with anguish, with pain and I couldn't understand it since she was playing alone at the living room and I could see her since the kitchen and apparently she wasn't hurt. I stopped my activities for a minute to check on her since she had being acting in that weird way for over thirty minutes what's way too much for a four years old girl. 
- Nini, what's wrong baby?
- Mom, it falls and falls and falls over and over again, it doesn't matter how many times I build it, it falls again! 
She was just playing with her cubes but it was certainly an important matter for her.
- Oh, let me see, build it one more time so I can see why it falls.
She built it so fast that I couldn't believe she was just four years old and yeah, it fell as she said but thankfully I found the problem immediatly.
- Here, there's a missing part honey. Where is it?
She looked at the place I was pointing very carefully and thought really focused. 
- I lost it.
- Well, you can't build it again without it falls if you don't have that piece. 
Her eyes got like water fastly.
- Why? She almost whispered this.
- Because there's a missing part. It is not complete anymore.
- It's not complete anymore...
And when she said this we both started crying, it wasn't complete anymore...not anymore.

Are you really smiling?

- Smile
- I'm smiling (she said trying to force a smile)
- Smile!
- I'm smiling!
- Smile...
- I.AM.SMILING.
- *put a mirror in front of her* This is what you're doing
- *she saw a mixed face between tears and grimace* NO! *she pushed the mirror and it fell while she put her hands on her face trying to hide it*


• Are you really able to see your face? Or do you still think you're smiling? :):

Friday, August 2, 2013

The NO logic of My crying

Have you ever find yourself crying and crying again over the same person without a specific reason? I'm asking cause I find it curious... I've found myself crying over and over again along for a whole month and more and I just don't understand why, because it makes no sense... When you miss someone you try to talk to that person, why haven't I? When you don't want someone in your life anymore you put that person out of your life, why haven't I done so? If I don't want this nor that, why do I cry? over what? Because it's not once or twice, it's over and over again... like it's an endless source of pain, maybe I cry because it hurts, but if it hurts so much, why haven't I tried to stop the pain? Maybe because no matter what will I do, I will always end up finding a reason to cry over that person, right? I am just saying no matter what will happen it'll bring me pain, right? But I've laughed as well & I have been happy as well... then why am I like this right now? Is it maybe cause I felt replaced and I thought I was nothing but a memory then? But why am I not taking my place back? Maybe because I find it as something impossible... Like I don't understand how I ever become in someone important for someone else, actually I understand when people leave me but I don't understand when people stay, I mostly think they do out of pity or cause they find me as a source of entertainment but if I am busy or sad or angry I find no reason for anyone to stay by my side, why will anyone want to stay by my side in these circumstances... then why do I cry? I always knew this may happen, I never understood a reason for this person to stay for so long, then why do I cry? over pictures, videos, images, words, memories, why? why can't I smile normally remembering good old memories? why do I cry with deep sadness? I am good at meeting new people and apparently people like me easily and I like them back since I find it as an act of kindness so why do I cry over losing someone? I usually don't, If I loose someone I obviously feel sad but I don't cry, crying won't make that person come back to me nor fix anything, in fact I'm a very logical person even when I'm pretty sentimental as well. But I insist, why do I cry over what's going on lately? why can't I face my days with the knowledge of the absence of this person? why can't I just be okay and let it go? Why does it hurt so bad? Still the main question is Why Do I Cry Over It? I find myself crying hysterically, walking like a death body, sometimes eating too much and sometimes not eating at all, sometimes sleeping too much and sometimes not sleeping at all, making draws, writtings, poems, I find myself really depressed but over what? Maybe in the future things will be okay but okay how? Maybe I cry because right now everything seems like a big mess, but why will I cry over it? If I find something that needs to be order or there's not way to put it in order, I just forget it and go on with my life. So why do I cry? Maybe because I'm use to this person presence more than my own and I find myself empty... but I used to be okay before this person coming in, so why? Maybe because it feels like I'm losing my bestfriend and it certainly kills whoever who loves her bestfriend as deep as I love mine... but still why do I cry instead doing something over it? Maybe because I'm so tired and feel so weak that can't even afford to move to something that can bring me a bigger pain? Maybe because that new friend presence made me feel I'm nothing but past... There are many "maybes" and not a accurate answer. The matter is that I am not this kind of person, yes I am a weak person but I've never found myself so weak over someone as now... I'm so absorbed by this person presence that I've certainly forgotten my own... Will this person miss me half of what I do? Love me half of what I do? Maybe I'm asking too much and not remembering my own feelings when this person was around, maybe the answer ain't in my head but in the feeling of some moments, maybe just maybe; or maybe it's over and I'm overthinking and crying over something that has already conclude without my permission or participation even when I'm an active member of it, or was... I'm just so confused, but guess what? Right now I am not crying, even when later I may will be doing it, but why? I don't know, I just know I will, because the absence is still here and I don't really know how to bear it. 

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Stay strong...



She said it was fine and she could do it without him for first time in so long, but why was she holding her teddy so tighly? Wasn't that teddy the remembrance of himself in her little world that was in fact that guy? She was missing him, no doubt; dying would've been easier still living was the only option.

Blameless

I'm not happy at all, 
Can't even smile without pain anymore, 
But I'm freaking done of depending so much 
Want to cry alone 
And face the world on my own!
Maybe I'm asking way too much
But all this mess got to a point
Where I can't take it no more.

Maybe I'm being selfish
As usual me is so childish
But even adults cry when it hurts
And I've lost all my blood
& my whole energy, healing where you injure.

I'm not pretending to be a saint
Heck no! I know well I ain't!
But I'm caring too much 
and you ain't at all
I'm not blaming yo
Certainly you don't know
I'm just saying we hit the goal
& we can't hold it in for so long.

I apologize for every mistake I've done
get down on my knees even when I should not
And I say in tears that I'll go
While you look up buyour tears support us
You'll shout at me & here we go
Once more the show is on
I'm leaving, You're letting me go
You're leaving, I'm begging you not to

I'm not pretending to be a saint
Heck no! I know well I ain't!
But I'm caring too much 
and you ain't at all
I'm not blaming yo
Certainly you don't know
I'm just saying we hit the goal
& we can't hold it in for so long.

I ask myself why is all so wrong?
There's not a middle term between us
It's just all light or all murk 
Can't be so-so it always get harsh
I can't see in darkness, can you?
I may hold your hand, nothing else I can do
Will you guide me to light or just knock me down?
I'm already crawling no need to try hard

I'm not pretending to be a saint
Heck no! I know well I ain't!
But I'm caring too much 
and you ain't at all
I'm not blaming yo
Certainly you don't know
I'm just saying we hit the goal
& we can't hold it in for so long.

I'm a beggar lacking of love
You're another one, pretending you're not
At least I make a barter, you don't
I try paying bacyou care not
Let's just end it here and say chao
Forget all the years cause now it's a chaos
Believe me it's not me saying this discourse
It's my broken heart trying to break the curse
Can't stop bleeding I swear to God
Can't stop weeping the pain's so strong....

I'm not pretending to be a saint
Heck no! I know well I ain't!
But I'm caring too much 
and you ain't at all
I'm not blaming yo
Certainly you don't know
I'm just saying we hit the goal
& we can't hold it in for so long.

You must be confuse by now
Please don't get me wrong, no
I need you more than anyone in the world
I am just done with the misery I go through
Whenever you're not around teaching me to be tough
I swear you're the best friend I've ever had
And my love for you is bigger than my self love
Just let me see your smile once more
I might forget all my sadness now
Please forget your madness too
Gotta admit all this speech is pointless
It was just me babbling out of stress
And you're completely blameless.
Madelaine Bustamante